Can't Explain. Can't Deny.
Synchronicities and other mystical happenings
Have you ever experienced something amazing that you could not explain but could not deny? A chance meeting, a predictive dream, some unexpected yet desired gift, a visit from a deceased relative, a miracle. Most of us have had something like this happen in our lives but we quickly dismiss it, ignore it, or think it might be too weird to talk about.
Whether we call it coincidence, serendipity, synchronicity, or something else, I believe these experiences are worth pondering for what they might be conveying to us. The key is that we can’t explain them, but we can’t deny them either.
What is it we are experiencing and why does it matter? I will, in my own practical, spiritual, and non-academic way, give some ideas about what is happening, and offer numerous examples from my own and others’ experiences. I understand that venturing into this realm of the unknown is risky since we can’t prove any of this and it may add evidence that I am merely well-intentioned but naïve, but that’s the risk I willingly take to explore this remarkable gift. Yikes! All these experiences and questions are the focus of this essay.
Describing this unusual and intriguing experience
Various people over the years have described this inexplainable phenomenon or even tried to prove what it is but as far as I know several have described the former, but no one has achieved the latter. No one can successfully prove what it is that causes these experiences. Perhaps that’s the best part of them! Carl Jung, who wrote a whole book on synchronicity and coined the term, at one point worked with a physicist and they suggested that when physics and psychology merge at the deepest levels of the psyche, that is the source of synchronicity. Perhaps it is! In the book, God Winks, author SQuire Rushnell (this Q is how he prefers to spell his name!) describes a coincidence as “a series of events that although accidental seem to have been planned or arranged. They are mysterious guideposts that lead you on the grand path designed for you.”
Lisa Miller, in her groundbreaking book, The Awakened Brain, leans towards the idea of spiritual connections. She describes a colleague’s research that shows we are all 29% wired for a spiritual connection of some kind. It’s not solely based on how we were raised but it’s hard wired into us. She cites example after example of vivid synchronicities that happen in her own life and in the lives of people in her research. And she shows scientifically that the brain records positive effects of spiritual experiences and practices. She notes that these do not need to be part of any religion. I wonder then, that if by noticing and embracing synchronicity, people who have been hurt by unhealed religious experiences could have a way to be spiritual without being hurt again. I will say more about how I interpret coincidences and synchronicities later in this essay!
A few personal examples of coincidences
Sometimes coincidences are a one-time experience or happening, and sometimes we see a string of events or connections that are part of a larger story in our lives. I’ll start with a one-time experience at a casual dinner and then add one of my longer-term stories to give you dear readers some examples to chew on!
The first story is of a delightful coincidence that took place at a meal with a friend at a local restaurant. As we were greeted by our waitstaff, we asked about her and her interests beyond this job. She said she was part owner of a coffee shop, and my friend asked her more about it. She said the name of it was The Matchbox which is an unusual name for a coffee shop. Turns out it is a tiny coffee shop, a favorite hang out in my neighborhood. My friend looked at her with a smile on his face and said: “Years ago when I was trying to choose what my email identity would be, a consultant suggested I choose something unusual so people would remember it. When I was a boy, I loved collecting matchbox cars and still have some of them. So, I chose matchbox in my email address.” What are the odds of this conversation happening by chance? That is the question, isn’t it?
My story: In the middle of 2024, I had mysterious physical symptoms that I was concerned about since they had never happened before. I took them to my doctor and had an initial test to find out more information about them, but that first test caused intense trauma to my body. It was not the first time I had experience trauma to my body. It wasn’t the fault of my doctor but the effect of that test on my body. She recommended that I go immediately to a specialist who could do further testing, perhaps using sedatives.
I went home and reflected on this intense experience, my options, my inner voice, my spiritual discernment, and my body’s messages. It was a difficult and deeply sacred time. I went back to my doctor a couple of weeks later with a friend and told her that I was graciously choosing to decline any more tests. I added that if I found out by increased symptoms that I had a serious or life-threatening illness I had thoughtfully discerned I would do no tests, have no surgeries or treatments but let nature take its course. I made a covenant with my body: no more trauma. I could hardly believe I was saying this, but it was what I felt deeply in my soul.
My doctor stood up in front of us and said “Janet, most of us are not really living. You are really living.” I was shocked and deeply moved, partly because I had just told her that I was willing to face my potential death, but also because I didn’t expect to hear that incredible statement from a medical professional. I talked with her further about what options I had for pain relief or for palliative care should I need that, and I left, not knowing what to expect, or when. It was quite an experience to say the least.
Then a series of coincidences became apparent. One of my coincidences was that my chosen family and a small group of others who care about me consist of two nurses, a therapist, two home health consultants, a hospice chaplain, a hospice volunteer, three spiritual directors, a death doula, and two ministers. I had chosen them long before any of this happened and they were exactly the team I would need to honor my decision. Yikes. And I had joined a health practice just the year before that specializes in women’s health for those over 65. Its motto was “for women getting BOLDER.” So, the first thing I did after my doctor visit was to gather my chosen family and tell them my story so they would understand me and have my back. That was a difficult conversation, but we found our way through it. As a result, I decided to live my life as fully as I could, while I still could. The rest of my story is equally amazing, and I will share that with you at the end of this essay. Fasten your seat belts. I’m still alive and still writing!
How I see these experiences
I would like to suggest, as a spiritual director and a believer in mystery, that these happenings are examples of spiritual yet unprovable experiences that assure us of a larger Presence in our lives. They are gifts of a divine being who is also unprovable. Beyond coincidence, beyond synchronicity, beyond serendipity. And yet not accidental. They are, in my experience, all sacred, whether we interpret them that way or not. Or whether we take them seriously or not. And I give them a simple name, Minor Miracles. From here on out I will call them MMs (not to be confused with M & Ms although they are both sweet). I believe that MMs are all connected in some way to our higher power, by whatever name we give it, and that they all occur for a reason. My spiritual director would say they “reek of God.” Remember, we can’t explain them, but we can’t deny them either!
How might MMs operate in our lives?
As fun and intriguing as MMs can be they may also play other roles in our lives. Sometimes MMs can confirm a decision we have made by bringing a word, an image, a dream, or a statement from someone, that connects with our decision and underscores the decision we’ve made. They are part of our discernment, especially at threshold times in our lives. Also, an MM can do the opposite by bringing to pass things that would be hindrances to us if we made a particular decision, a kind of warning sign.
Sometimes MMs may appear as humorous ways the Holy uses to get our attention. For example, I was pondering, as a spiritual practice, how to deal kindly with angry people in my life, when out of the blue (!) three women I’d not seen or talked to in several years and who were among the angriest women I knew, appeared in an email stream that I had no control over. Encouragement from the Holy to pursue my practice! I chuckled.
At times MMs can guide us on a long-term path that we can’t see yet, and we discover as we look back, that they were like welcome signposts, as SQuire says, to show us the way. Other times they occur to awaken us to things we are repeating and denying. Those MMs seem to get more intense over time, usually in uncomfortable ways, like when we keep dating the same kind of person who is not good for us!
At times, in incredible ways, MMs can open our hearts and even our careers to new possibilities by inserting experiences in our lives in ways that we had never expected. Dreams, chance introductions, a phrase, quotes from novels, even one word on a billboard or a license plate can have that effect. One of my friends said casually in a conversation that he lives “at the pace of relationships” and it has stuck with me for years. That phrase has become a touch stone of my life now. An author, whose daughter was anorexic and who was in a crisis, was sitting, in deep grief, at the side of a road and right then a car passed with one word on the license plate, TRUST. Yikes.
MMs can also be sheer joy and occur just for the heck of it!!! I love those MMs and see them as the Holy’s sense of playfulness and closeness. For me, currently, it is sparkles and small feathers. I just chuckle and say thanks.
Questions for you to consider:
As you read these stories, what MM comes to mind in your life, large or small?
How did you respond? And why do you remember it?
How would you explain appearances of MMs in your life?
Examples of MMs in our lives
~When my former husband and I were house hunting several years ago, I had a dream of a contemporary home with several details that I would love, like lots of wood, open space, nature vistas. I saw parts of the interior of the house in my dream. We looked at several houses that were suitable but not anything like what I had envisioned. I was discouraged. When we were about to give up, our realtor suggested a home in quite a different neighborhood from where we were looking. Yet it sounded like what we would like. When we drove past the outside of the home, I knew it was our next home. And the floor plan was what I had dreamed. We lived there for fifteen years, and I still think of it as my “dream house.” I’m reminded of the scene in the movie Miracle on 34th Street in which the little girl suddenly sees the house that she asked Santa for and had given up on. Can’t explain. Can’t deny!
~Joseph’s story in the Hebrew scriptures is full of examples of MMs. The man who meets him in the field, whose name we don’t know and who is never seen again, guides him to his brothers in the field, who choose to kidnap him and sell him to travelers on the road. He ends up in Egypt as a servant and proceeds by one MM after another to climb into more powerful positions, finally as a leader in Pharaoh’s government. He helps save his family and the Egyptians during a deep famine in the land. Read this remarkable story in the book of Genesis. Can’t explain. Can’t deny.
~My sister-in-law describes visitations from her deceased mother in the form of pennies in strange places. She always acknowledges her mom when these pennies show up. Recently her son was in a severe auto accident and had multiple injuries. While being at his side in the hospital on his way to a CT scan, she found a bright penny near his left ear, the side that was most injured. After the next scan she found another penny under his head. She said she knew his grandma was there protecting him. Heart be still. Can’t explain. Can’t deny.
~A young friend of mine and I, while on a walk in my neighborhood, happened upon a Monarch butterfly which flew up and around us several times, like it was seeking our attention. One block further on we entered some woods and, to our surprise, emerged with tiny caterpillars on our clothes. These two states of being were what she was describing to me on our walk as she encountered a time of deep transition. She said she felt imminently ready to fly! Can’t explain. Can’t deny.
~When I was a spiritual director with women in prison, I was part of a group that sponsored a four-day love weekend for the insiders. On the opening evening, we all sat around tables to get to know one another and to start the retreat. I sat next to a beautiful young woman who was very friendly and engaging. When I asked her first name, it was the same as mine. When I asked her middle name, it was the same as mine. When I laughingly asked her last name, it was the same as mine. That got my attention. Even more so when I found out she was one of the insiders. We established a relationship in which I visited her twice a month for eight years. (Both of us have different names now so I am protecting her privacy, but the story is electric as an MM). Can’t explain. Can’t deny!
How can MMs be misused?
Sometimes we can be so desperate for a result, like wanting a certain relationship or a certain job, that we bend the truth and site things as MMs that are really wishful thinking. We don’t do it on purpose, but MMs are not helpful if they are not real. At other times people who are in the business of forecasting our lives may intentionally suggest future MMs that will lead to our goal, so we are getting what we want even if it doesn’t come to pass. And occasionally people with severe mental illness may emphasize a common interest with someone to get things from them. MMs are not magic or manipulative but need to be simply held and pondered and reflected upon for the wisdom they bring, or the call they offer to be in the world in open hearted and healthy ways.
Other examples of MMs in people’s lives
~This story is from a friend who learns intensely from nature. “In the wake of the launch of our third and final child to college (what is often called the empty nest time) I was entirely overwhelmed as I had also recently lost both of my parents. It felt like my entire life was in flux with not much solid ground beneath me and no clear road ahead. We were sitting on our patio having lunch near several large windows when suddenly I heard something hit the window behind me. As I turned, I saw a beautiful hummingbird laid out on the hot cement. It was one more loss that I just couldn't take and I immediately started crying.”
“I quickly reached for my napkin to cradle the sweet bird in something soft while I determined where to bury it. As I bent closer, I was stunned to see its little chest moving and its eye blinking. With deep reverence and the clear awareness that this was a message for me, I gently enfolded the bird in my napkin and began singing and praying as I assumed its life was ebbing away. After a few brief moments, I opened my hands to see the bird rise between my palms, pause for what felt like a blessing, and fly away. Thanks to my winged visitor, I knew that somehow, I would rise again in my life too.” Can’t explain. Can’t deny.
~Lisa Miller shares the story of Walter Earl Fluker, in her book mentioned above. He was raised in Chicago by uneducated parents yet had several teachers help him with his deep intellectual interests. Along the way, he worked as a clerk to a military chaplain and remembers a series of meditations of Howard Thurman, a wise mentor to Martin Luther King Jr. He helped distribute these meditations for the church services but thought little more of it. Years later in seminary he became intrigued with a woman who lived next door, and after two years of trying to get her attention, she finally invited him into her apartment. On the wall was a framed and autographed poster of a profound quote by Howard Thurman.
Walter and his friend, Sharon, stayed in touch over a few years, and he learned that she was Howard Thurman’s goddaughter. He eventually connected with Thurman who became his mentor. When Howard died, Walter wrote his dissertation on the concepts in Thurman’s works. He ended up being the editor of Thurman’s works and continued to be influenced by him for the next 40 years. Can’t explain. Can’t deny.
~A story from a friend who found deep soul comfort from an MM. “One afternoon, I received a call from my sister who was out of town, asking if I could check on her daughter. They normally talked each day, but my sister couldn't reach her. For years, her daughter had dealt with various emotional and physical illnesses, so my sister was understandably concerned. When I arrived at the apartment, there was no response so I went to the office and was told I would need to call the police to do a wellness check. As I waited for the police to arrive, I walked a circle in the parking lot asking for God's peace and comfort.”
“After a short while, I tuned in to hear myself singing the words ‘God be with you 'til we meet again,’ and wondered where that came from. I soon remembered that those were words from a hymn we had sung at my mother's funeral. My mother and my niece were very close. I had an immediate sense that both God and my mom were there with me preparing me for the fact that my niece had died. Shortly thereafter, the police arrived and confirmed that my niece had died in her sleep. During a deeply frightening and troubling experience, I felt I was being carried.” Can’t explain. Can’t deny.
~A friend in South Africa tells this story of how he and Janet got connected. “I live in South Africa and attended the wedding of the daughter of close friends, at Malmesbury Abbey in Wiltshire, England, in 2013. Little did I know what would transpire… After the wedding I was invited to stay with our friends in a small town in the Cotswolds. At the time I was wrestling with my relationship with the institutional church that I had been part of for more than 50 years, ten years as a pastor. After 50 years, the thought of leaving was almost incomprehensible. But now I was leaving the church.”
“I had read many books on spiritual development, but I still had more questions than answers. There were few people I could speak with who would understand, and people around me thought I was either losing my faith or was just a rebel. I shared these thoughts with my two friends and as I was leaving to return home one of them hugged me and handed me a book and said, ‘I think you need this book more than I.’ She had not read the book yet but handed me a copy of the book by Janet and Bob, The Critical Journey. The rest is history because Janet and I have become great friends, but suffice it to say that I contacted her after I devoured the book, and she invited me to be part of a healer’s program that would change the way I see myself in the world. I had never thought of myself as a healer before. Now, after experiencing the excruciating journey through the Wall, I see myself as simply salt and light.” Can’t explain. Can’t deny.
Question to ponder
What series of events can you now see were connected somehow and led you to a new place?
From this range of examples, what new ideas do you have of how to watch for MMs?
What deeper desires arise in you from hearing these stories?
An invitation for you to consider being an MM for others
When we have become comfortable trusting MMs that come into our lives, we may begin to hear and listen to the inner voice of our higher power. A SACRED NUDGE I call it. That voice suggests things that we need to do or ways to be that may not naturally occur to us. It pays to stop and listen, to follow the instructions implicitly, and to be grateful for any results. Just following the NUDGES is important.
Margaret Silf, in her book, The Inner Compass, talks about how we move from being a person to whom things seem to happen randomly, through the realization that we can influence what happens, to a point where we take personal responsibility for being an event that happens to others. This is what the NUDGE means, being open to being an MM for others. And it is SACRED. Listen, follow up and see what happens. Sometimes we have NO idea how we are MMs for others and that’s delicious, don’t you think? We may even become people that others can’t explain but can’t deny!!
Questions for your pondering:
When have you had a NUDGE to say something to a friend, to give something spontaneously, to stay present when you’d rather leave?
When has someone mentioned that you have an unusual sense of what to say when or what to offer at difficult times?
Have you considered naming these nudge experiences as MMs, minor miracles? Why or why not?
The kind and tender culmination of a year of wondering for me.
When I got further into the shock of wondering what was going to happen to me, I began updating all my end-of-life material and made plans for my potential demise. I read books on end-of-life medical care and how to avoid the emergency room. I updated my memorial service plans and wrote love letters to those with whom I wanted to share what they meant to me. At that point I also turned to my inner physician, to God, and to trusted friends and felt called to return to a wise healing touch practitioner who had helped me to re-open my heart after my divorce.
She practiced her art on me intensely as we uncovered and established that I was carrying a huge amount of grief in my body, my own but also many others’ griefs from my role as spiritual director and friend. Healing touch had revealed deeper body messages that I needed to heed and use to heal. We removed most of the retained grief from my body and I felt more connected to the wisdom of my body. She taught me a body prayer that would help me stay connected to that wisdom. I use it every day now.
As I was describing the change in the way I might more gently journey with grief now, she said she had a painting that she thought would reflect that. It was right outside the room we had been working in. It was of a woman embracing the world but not carrying it!! And behind the woman, holding both the woman and the whole world in her arms, was a divine female figure. Since my visit with my healer, I’ve had several opportunities to encounter and embrace but not carry grief!! With each one I asked what the grief was asking of me and heeded that message. I include the painting by Sister Mary Southard, CSJ at the end of this essay. My visit with her was more than a MM. It was a major miracle. Can’t explain. Can’t deny.
One more MM stands out.
A year after the occurrence of my original symptoms, which have now reduced significantly, I returned to my doctor for my annual visit. She welcomed me with open arms having not heard from me during that time. I had blood work done and we talked for quite some time about the whole experience, not able to make medical sense of it, but very open to making emotional and spiritual sense of it.
I had listened to a NUDGE that morning and brought her a drawing I had done thirty years ago of a woman looking pensive and reflective. I told her it reminded me of her facial expression last year when I told her about my decision to decline testing. She thanked me and gave me a hug. On the way out to the lobby she told me that she had enjoyed drawing in her earlier years and had just recently taken it up again. Then she said this: “In thinking about what I would draw it would be very much like the image that you just gave me.” MM!!! Can’t explain. Wouldn’t want to deny!
Reflections for you to consider:
Describe any MM that you would call a major miracle, for yourself or another?
How has it affected your life or theirs?
What would you say to others who may be skeptical of MMs?
The most powerful MM story I’ve ever heard. A shivering and shimmering way to end this essay.
One of my friends had a traumatic experience in her early life. She was raped at knifepoint. She stuffed that experience inside, as many women do, not able to process it at that point in her life. But decades later she decided to go to a therapist to do the healing work. It took years to unravel the pain and the shame of her experience and to bring it into the light of healing. At one point well into her healing, her therapist suggested that she find a way to make friends with her body again. She suggested a massage and my friend made an appointment at a suburban spa.
When she got there to sign in, she found out that her massage therapist was a Black man. She panicked inside and told him she just couldn’t go through with this massage. He was very kind and said he understood and would not pressure her, but could they sit down and talk for just a minute before she left. She hesitated for a while, but then said that would be OK. He assured her he would not pressure her, but he assumed that she had been hurt in some way by a black man. She indicated this was true. Then he said he wanted her to know that one of the primary reasons he had decided to be a massage therapist was to be part of the healing of what some of his Black brothers had done to women. Amazingly she decided to go forward with the massage. It was a healing experience for her and, in fact, a major miracle. Can’t explain. Wouldn’t want to deny!
copyright Janet Hagberg, 2025. Please send this essay along.
(see photo of embracing the world --below)
Have you ever experienced something amazing that you could not explain but could not deny? A chance meeting, a predictive dream, some unexpected yet desired gift, a visit from a deceased relative, a miracle. Most of us have had something like this happen in our lives but we quickly dismiss it, ignore it, or think it might be too weird to talk about.
Whether we call it coincidence, serendipity, synchronicity, or something else, I believe these experiences are worth pondering for what they might be conveying to us. The key is that we can’t explain them, but we can’t deny them either.
What is it we are experiencing and why does it matter? I will, in my own practical, spiritual, and non-academic way, give some ideas about what is happening, and offer numerous examples from my own and others’ experiences. I understand that venturing into this realm of the unknown is risky since we can’t prove any of this and it may add evidence that I am merely well-intentioned but naïve, but that’s the risk I willingly take to explore this remarkable gift. Yikes! All these experiences and questions are the focus of this essay.
Describing this unusual and intriguing experience
Various people over the years have described this inexplainable phenomenon or even tried to prove what it is but as far as I know several have described the former, but no one has achieved the latter. No one can successfully prove what it is that causes these experiences. Perhaps that’s the best part of them! Carl Jung, who wrote a whole book on synchronicity and coined the term, at one point worked with a physicist and they suggested that when physics and psychology merge at the deepest levels of the psyche, that is the source of synchronicity. Perhaps it is! In the book, God Winks, author SQuire Rushnell (this Q is how he prefers to spell his name!) describes a coincidence as “a series of events that although accidental seem to have been planned or arranged. They are mysterious guideposts that lead you on the grand path designed for you.”
Lisa Miller, in her groundbreaking book, The Awakened Brain, leans towards the idea of spiritual connections. She describes a colleague’s research that shows we are all 29% wired for a spiritual connection of some kind. It’s not solely based on how we were raised but it’s hard wired into us. She cites example after example of vivid synchronicities that happen in her own life and in the lives of people in her research. And she shows scientifically that the brain records positive effects of spiritual experiences and practices. She notes that these do not need to be part of any religion. I wonder then, that if by noticing and embracing synchronicity, people who have been hurt by unhealed religious experiences could have a way to be spiritual without being hurt again. I will say more about how I interpret coincidences and synchronicities later in this essay!
A few personal examples of coincidences
Sometimes coincidences are a one-time experience or happening, and sometimes we see a string of events or connections that are part of a larger story in our lives. I’ll start with a one-time experience at a casual dinner and then add one of my longer-term stories to give you dear readers some examples to chew on!
The first story is of a delightful coincidence that took place at a meal with a friend at a local restaurant. As we were greeted by our waitstaff, we asked about her and her interests beyond this job. She said she was part owner of a coffee shop, and my friend asked her more about it. She said the name of it was The Matchbox which is an unusual name for a coffee shop. Turns out it is a tiny coffee shop, a favorite hang out in my neighborhood. My friend looked at her with a smile on his face and said: “Years ago when I was trying to choose what my email identity would be, a consultant suggested I choose something unusual so people would remember it. When I was a boy, I loved collecting matchbox cars and still have some of them. So, I chose matchbox in my email address.” What are the odds of this conversation happening by chance? That is the question, isn’t it?
My story: In the middle of 2024, I had mysterious physical symptoms that I was concerned about since they had never happened before. I took them to my doctor and had an initial test to find out more information about them, but that first test caused intense trauma to my body. It was not the first time I had experience trauma to my body. It wasn’t the fault of my doctor but the effect of that test on my body. She recommended that I go immediately to a specialist who could do further testing, perhaps using sedatives.
I went home and reflected on this intense experience, my options, my inner voice, my spiritual discernment, and my body’s messages. It was a difficult and deeply sacred time. I went back to my doctor a couple of weeks later with a friend and told her that I was graciously choosing to decline any more tests. I added that if I found out by increased symptoms that I had a serious or life-threatening illness I had thoughtfully discerned I would do no tests, have no surgeries or treatments but let nature take its course. I made a covenant with my body: no more trauma. I could hardly believe I was saying this, but it was what I felt deeply in my soul.
My doctor stood up in front of us and said “Janet, most of us are not really living. You are really living.” I was shocked and deeply moved, partly because I had just told her that I was willing to face my potential death, but also because I didn’t expect to hear that incredible statement from a medical professional. I talked with her further about what options I had for pain relief or for palliative care should I need that, and I left, not knowing what to expect, or when. It was quite an experience to say the least.
Then a series of coincidences became apparent. One of my coincidences was that my chosen family and a small group of others who care about me consist of two nurses, a therapist, two home health consultants, a hospice chaplain, a hospice volunteer, three spiritual directors, a death doula, and two ministers. I had chosen them long before any of this happened and they were exactly the team I would need to honor my decision. Yikes. And I had joined a health practice just the year before that specializes in women’s health for those over 65. Its motto was “for women getting BOLDER.” So, the first thing I did after my doctor visit was to gather my chosen family and tell them my story so they would understand me and have my back. That was a difficult conversation, but we found our way through it. As a result, I decided to live my life as fully as I could, while I still could. The rest of my story is equally amazing, and I will share that with you at the end of this essay. Fasten your seat belts. I’m still alive and still writing!
How I see these experiences
I would like to suggest, as a spiritual director and a believer in mystery, that these happenings are examples of spiritual yet unprovable experiences that assure us of a larger Presence in our lives. They are gifts of a divine being who is also unprovable. Beyond coincidence, beyond synchronicity, beyond serendipity. And yet not accidental. They are, in my experience, all sacred, whether we interpret them that way or not. Or whether we take them seriously or not. And I give them a simple name, Minor Miracles. From here on out I will call them MMs (not to be confused with M & Ms although they are both sweet). I believe that MMs are all connected in some way to our higher power, by whatever name we give it, and that they all occur for a reason. My spiritual director would say they “reek of God.” Remember, we can’t explain them, but we can’t deny them either!
How might MMs operate in our lives?
As fun and intriguing as MMs can be they may also play other roles in our lives. Sometimes MMs can confirm a decision we have made by bringing a word, an image, a dream, or a statement from someone, that connects with our decision and underscores the decision we’ve made. They are part of our discernment, especially at threshold times in our lives. Also, an MM can do the opposite by bringing to pass things that would be hindrances to us if we made a particular decision, a kind of warning sign.
Sometimes MMs may appear as humorous ways the Holy uses to get our attention. For example, I was pondering, as a spiritual practice, how to deal kindly with angry people in my life, when out of the blue (!) three women I’d not seen or talked to in several years and who were among the angriest women I knew, appeared in an email stream that I had no control over. Encouragement from the Holy to pursue my practice! I chuckled.
At times MMs can guide us on a long-term path that we can’t see yet, and we discover as we look back, that they were like welcome signposts, as SQuire says, to show us the way. Other times they occur to awaken us to things we are repeating and denying. Those MMs seem to get more intense over time, usually in uncomfortable ways, like when we keep dating the same kind of person who is not good for us!
At times, in incredible ways, MMs can open our hearts and even our careers to new possibilities by inserting experiences in our lives in ways that we had never expected. Dreams, chance introductions, a phrase, quotes from novels, even one word on a billboard or a license plate can have that effect. One of my friends said casually in a conversation that he lives “at the pace of relationships” and it has stuck with me for years. That phrase has become a touch stone of my life now. An author, whose daughter was anorexic and who was in a crisis, was sitting, in deep grief, at the side of a road and right then a car passed with one word on the license plate, TRUST. Yikes.
MMs can also be sheer joy and occur just for the heck of it!!! I love those MMs and see them as the Holy’s sense of playfulness and closeness. For me, currently, it is sparkles and small feathers. I just chuckle and say thanks.
Questions for you to consider:
As you read these stories, what MM comes to mind in your life, large or small?
How did you respond? And why do you remember it?
How would you explain appearances of MMs in your life?
Examples of MMs in our lives
~When my former husband and I were house hunting several years ago, I had a dream of a contemporary home with several details that I would love, like lots of wood, open space, nature vistas. I saw parts of the interior of the house in my dream. We looked at several houses that were suitable but not anything like what I had envisioned. I was discouraged. When we were about to give up, our realtor suggested a home in quite a different neighborhood from where we were looking. Yet it sounded like what we would like. When we drove past the outside of the home, I knew it was our next home. And the floor plan was what I had dreamed. We lived there for fifteen years, and I still think of it as my “dream house.” I’m reminded of the scene in the movie Miracle on 34th Street in which the little girl suddenly sees the house that she asked Santa for and had given up on. Can’t explain. Can’t deny!
~Joseph’s story in the Hebrew scriptures is full of examples of MMs. The man who meets him in the field, whose name we don’t know and who is never seen again, guides him to his brothers in the field, who choose to kidnap him and sell him to travelers on the road. He ends up in Egypt as a servant and proceeds by one MM after another to climb into more powerful positions, finally as a leader in Pharaoh’s government. He helps save his family and the Egyptians during a deep famine in the land. Read this remarkable story in the book of Genesis. Can’t explain. Can’t deny.
~My sister-in-law describes visitations from her deceased mother in the form of pennies in strange places. She always acknowledges her mom when these pennies show up. Recently her son was in a severe auto accident and had multiple injuries. While being at his side in the hospital on his way to a CT scan, she found a bright penny near his left ear, the side that was most injured. After the next scan she found another penny under his head. She said she knew his grandma was there protecting him. Heart be still. Can’t explain. Can’t deny.
~A young friend of mine and I, while on a walk in my neighborhood, happened upon a Monarch butterfly which flew up and around us several times, like it was seeking our attention. One block further on we entered some woods and, to our surprise, emerged with tiny caterpillars on our clothes. These two states of being were what she was describing to me on our walk as she encountered a time of deep transition. She said she felt imminently ready to fly! Can’t explain. Can’t deny.
~When I was a spiritual director with women in prison, I was part of a group that sponsored a four-day love weekend for the insiders. On the opening evening, we all sat around tables to get to know one another and to start the retreat. I sat next to a beautiful young woman who was very friendly and engaging. When I asked her first name, it was the same as mine. When I asked her middle name, it was the same as mine. When I laughingly asked her last name, it was the same as mine. That got my attention. Even more so when I found out she was one of the insiders. We established a relationship in which I visited her twice a month for eight years. (Both of us have different names now so I am protecting her privacy, but the story is electric as an MM). Can’t explain. Can’t deny!
How can MMs be misused?
Sometimes we can be so desperate for a result, like wanting a certain relationship or a certain job, that we bend the truth and site things as MMs that are really wishful thinking. We don’t do it on purpose, but MMs are not helpful if they are not real. At other times people who are in the business of forecasting our lives may intentionally suggest future MMs that will lead to our goal, so we are getting what we want even if it doesn’t come to pass. And occasionally people with severe mental illness may emphasize a common interest with someone to get things from them. MMs are not magic or manipulative but need to be simply held and pondered and reflected upon for the wisdom they bring, or the call they offer to be in the world in open hearted and healthy ways.
Other examples of MMs in people’s lives
~This story is from a friend who learns intensely from nature. “In the wake of the launch of our third and final child to college (what is often called the empty nest time) I was entirely overwhelmed as I had also recently lost both of my parents. It felt like my entire life was in flux with not much solid ground beneath me and no clear road ahead. We were sitting on our patio having lunch near several large windows when suddenly I heard something hit the window behind me. As I turned, I saw a beautiful hummingbird laid out on the hot cement. It was one more loss that I just couldn't take and I immediately started crying.”
“I quickly reached for my napkin to cradle the sweet bird in something soft while I determined where to bury it. As I bent closer, I was stunned to see its little chest moving and its eye blinking. With deep reverence and the clear awareness that this was a message for me, I gently enfolded the bird in my napkin and began singing and praying as I assumed its life was ebbing away. After a few brief moments, I opened my hands to see the bird rise between my palms, pause for what felt like a blessing, and fly away. Thanks to my winged visitor, I knew that somehow, I would rise again in my life too.” Can’t explain. Can’t deny.
~Lisa Miller shares the story of Walter Earl Fluker, in her book mentioned above. He was raised in Chicago by uneducated parents yet had several teachers help him with his deep intellectual interests. Along the way, he worked as a clerk to a military chaplain and remembers a series of meditations of Howard Thurman, a wise mentor to Martin Luther King Jr. He helped distribute these meditations for the church services but thought little more of it. Years later in seminary he became intrigued with a woman who lived next door, and after two years of trying to get her attention, she finally invited him into her apartment. On the wall was a framed and autographed poster of a profound quote by Howard Thurman.
Walter and his friend, Sharon, stayed in touch over a few years, and he learned that she was Howard Thurman’s goddaughter. He eventually connected with Thurman who became his mentor. When Howard died, Walter wrote his dissertation on the concepts in Thurman’s works. He ended up being the editor of Thurman’s works and continued to be influenced by him for the next 40 years. Can’t explain. Can’t deny.
~A story from a friend who found deep soul comfort from an MM. “One afternoon, I received a call from my sister who was out of town, asking if I could check on her daughter. They normally talked each day, but my sister couldn't reach her. For years, her daughter had dealt with various emotional and physical illnesses, so my sister was understandably concerned. When I arrived at the apartment, there was no response so I went to the office and was told I would need to call the police to do a wellness check. As I waited for the police to arrive, I walked a circle in the parking lot asking for God's peace and comfort.”
“After a short while, I tuned in to hear myself singing the words ‘God be with you 'til we meet again,’ and wondered where that came from. I soon remembered that those were words from a hymn we had sung at my mother's funeral. My mother and my niece were very close. I had an immediate sense that both God and my mom were there with me preparing me for the fact that my niece had died. Shortly thereafter, the police arrived and confirmed that my niece had died in her sleep. During a deeply frightening and troubling experience, I felt I was being carried.” Can’t explain. Can’t deny.
~A friend in South Africa tells this story of how he and Janet got connected. “I live in South Africa and attended the wedding of the daughter of close friends, at Malmesbury Abbey in Wiltshire, England, in 2013. Little did I know what would transpire… After the wedding I was invited to stay with our friends in a small town in the Cotswolds. At the time I was wrestling with my relationship with the institutional church that I had been part of for more than 50 years, ten years as a pastor. After 50 years, the thought of leaving was almost incomprehensible. But now I was leaving the church.”
“I had read many books on spiritual development, but I still had more questions than answers. There were few people I could speak with who would understand, and people around me thought I was either losing my faith or was just a rebel. I shared these thoughts with my two friends and as I was leaving to return home one of them hugged me and handed me a book and said, ‘I think you need this book more than I.’ She had not read the book yet but handed me a copy of the book by Janet and Bob, The Critical Journey. The rest is history because Janet and I have become great friends, but suffice it to say that I contacted her after I devoured the book, and she invited me to be part of a healer’s program that would change the way I see myself in the world. I had never thought of myself as a healer before. Now, after experiencing the excruciating journey through the Wall, I see myself as simply salt and light.” Can’t explain. Can’t deny.
Question to ponder
What series of events can you now see were connected somehow and led you to a new place?
From this range of examples, what new ideas do you have of how to watch for MMs?
What deeper desires arise in you from hearing these stories?
An invitation for you to consider being an MM for others
When we have become comfortable trusting MMs that come into our lives, we may begin to hear and listen to the inner voice of our higher power. A SACRED NUDGE I call it. That voice suggests things that we need to do or ways to be that may not naturally occur to us. It pays to stop and listen, to follow the instructions implicitly, and to be grateful for any results. Just following the NUDGES is important.
Margaret Silf, in her book, The Inner Compass, talks about how we move from being a person to whom things seem to happen randomly, through the realization that we can influence what happens, to a point where we take personal responsibility for being an event that happens to others. This is what the NUDGE means, being open to being an MM for others. And it is SACRED. Listen, follow up and see what happens. Sometimes we have NO idea how we are MMs for others and that’s delicious, don’t you think? We may even become people that others can’t explain but can’t deny!!
Questions for your pondering:
When have you had a NUDGE to say something to a friend, to give something spontaneously, to stay present when you’d rather leave?
When has someone mentioned that you have an unusual sense of what to say when or what to offer at difficult times?
Have you considered naming these nudge experiences as MMs, minor miracles? Why or why not?
The kind and tender culmination of a year of wondering for me.
When I got further into the shock of wondering what was going to happen to me, I began updating all my end-of-life material and made plans for my potential demise. I read books on end-of-life medical care and how to avoid the emergency room. I updated my memorial service plans and wrote love letters to those with whom I wanted to share what they meant to me. At that point I also turned to my inner physician, to God, and to trusted friends and felt called to return to a wise healing touch practitioner who had helped me to re-open my heart after my divorce.
She practiced her art on me intensely as we uncovered and established that I was carrying a huge amount of grief in my body, my own but also many others’ griefs from my role as spiritual director and friend. Healing touch had revealed deeper body messages that I needed to heed and use to heal. We removed most of the retained grief from my body and I felt more connected to the wisdom of my body. She taught me a body prayer that would help me stay connected to that wisdom. I use it every day now.
As I was describing the change in the way I might more gently journey with grief now, she said she had a painting that she thought would reflect that. It was right outside the room we had been working in. It was of a woman embracing the world but not carrying it!! And behind the woman, holding both the woman and the whole world in her arms, was a divine female figure. Since my visit with my healer, I’ve had several opportunities to encounter and embrace but not carry grief!! With each one I asked what the grief was asking of me and heeded that message. I include the painting by Sister Mary Southard, CSJ at the end of this essay. My visit with her was more than a MM. It was a major miracle. Can’t explain. Can’t deny.
One more MM stands out.
A year after the occurrence of my original symptoms, which have now reduced significantly, I returned to my doctor for my annual visit. She welcomed me with open arms having not heard from me during that time. I had blood work done and we talked for quite some time about the whole experience, not able to make medical sense of it, but very open to making emotional and spiritual sense of it.
I had listened to a NUDGE that morning and brought her a drawing I had done thirty years ago of a woman looking pensive and reflective. I told her it reminded me of her facial expression last year when I told her about my decision to decline testing. She thanked me and gave me a hug. On the way out to the lobby she told me that she had enjoyed drawing in her earlier years and had just recently taken it up again. Then she said this: “In thinking about what I would draw it would be very much like the image that you just gave me.” MM!!! Can’t explain. Wouldn’t want to deny!
Reflections for you to consider:
Describe any MM that you would call a major miracle, for yourself or another?
How has it affected your life or theirs?
What would you say to others who may be skeptical of MMs?
The most powerful MM story I’ve ever heard. A shivering and shimmering way to end this essay.
One of my friends had a traumatic experience in her early life. She was raped at knifepoint. She stuffed that experience inside, as many women do, not able to process it at that point in her life. But decades later she decided to go to a therapist to do the healing work. It took years to unravel the pain and the shame of her experience and to bring it into the light of healing. At one point well into her healing, her therapist suggested that she find a way to make friends with her body again. She suggested a massage and my friend made an appointment at a suburban spa.
When she got there to sign in, she found out that her massage therapist was a Black man. She panicked inside and told him she just couldn’t go through with this massage. He was very kind and said he understood and would not pressure her, but could they sit down and talk for just a minute before she left. She hesitated for a while, but then said that would be OK. He assured her he would not pressure her, but he assumed that she had been hurt in some way by a black man. She indicated this was true. Then he said he wanted her to know that one of the primary reasons he had decided to be a massage therapist was to be part of the healing of what some of his Black brothers had done to women. Amazingly she decided to go forward with the massage. It was a healing experience for her and, in fact, a major miracle. Can’t explain. Wouldn’t want to deny!
copyright Janet Hagberg, 2025. Please send this essay along.
(see photo of embracing the world --below)
