Journey Coat
Have you ever gotten so attached to a certain coat or jacket that you wouldn’t part with it, even when it is clearly worn out and beyond cleaning?😊 We all need and wear coats throughout our lives. We may even joke about our irrational connection with a coat. Coats sometimes serve like a security blanket or better yet, like an old friend. When we wear it, we even feel better. I have a two-jacket set that has been with me for more than twenty-five years. It still soothes me just to look at it. One of the deeper connections I have with this jacket is that it reminds me of all that we’ve been through together.
Stop for a moment and recall a special coat, or jacket, (or, for that matter, a football jersey, or sports hat, or purse, or any clothing that you have a special connection with.) Can you recall a memory that accompanies this item? For the sake of this reflection, I’ll stick with the coat image, but you can superimpose whatever item fits for you.
Why would we reflect on an ordinary coat? Maybe it’s not a big deal but I think our favorite coat represents part of our life journey that is worth remembering. And when I think of coats, I recall a very famous coat that meant something in ancient history, the multi-colored coat that got a young man in so much trouble—but also vitally changed the trajectory of his life.
This young man was Joseph. In the Hebrew scriptures, Joseph’s father, Jacob, made this coat for him. It represented how special Joseph was to his father. That did not go over well with Joseph’s other eleven brothers, especially since Joseph rubbed it in by describing dreams in which his brothers bowed down to him! This was sibling rivalry at its most potent. The story is dramatized in the popular musical, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Here are a few of the lyrics, from Andrew Lloyd Weber’s song about that famous coat. I can just hear Donny Osmond singing this song.
I wore my coat, with golden lining
Bright colours shining, wonderful and new
And in the east, the dawn was breaking
And the world was waking
Any dream will do
A crash of drums, a flash of light
My golden coat flew out of sight
The colours faded into darkness
I was left alone
In Joseph’s story his brothers, most of whom came to hate him, decided to capture, and sell him to merchants who were on their way to Egypt. Then they took his coat, dipped it in blood, and told their father that Joseph was killed by lions. But his story was not over by a long shot. Through a series of dramatic and perilous events, including prison, an official’s wife falsely accusing him, and miraculous dream interpretations, he finally becomes an official in the Egyptian government. He ends up saving the lives of his brothers and his father. The final scene of the story depicts forgiveness and restoration. Joseph’s coat changed his life.
What might be the meaning of our coats?
Other cultures have rich traditions of meaningful garments and various kinds of pilgrimages associated with them. One example is Japan’s tradition of pilgrims walking through the mountains, sometimes in difficult terrain, from one temple to another. Each pilgrim begins the journey by wearing a short symbolic coat with a personal theme inscribed on it. Each temple is a stopping point where pilgrims receive an imprint of that temple’s seal or stamp on their coat. At the end of their pilgrimage the coat beautifully documents their whole experience.
That image and story were so poignant for me that I made a fabric icon of a woman, representing me, wearing a unique pilgrim coat on a journey to wholeness. It was based on an image created by Carolyn Myss that immediately caught my attention. It seemed to represent all the coats I’ve had that were very special to me. Coats seem to find me and some of my most vivid memories are of my various coats. On my icon I added birds to accompany me as personal companions and I wrote the theme of my life in bold letters on the coat, ”O love that will not let me go.” I also wanted to include the main turning points of my life journey on my icon coat, so I wrote twenty-five turning points in very small letters on the hem of my coat. These are what I deemed the most important experiences of my life. It seemed like I had in fact created a visual autobiography. For me it was a breathtaking experience. I call this art piece my Journey Coat. I include a photo of it as an addendum to this essay.
A few of my turning points included on the hem of my journey coat were these:
*My mother’s death when she was only 55 and I was 22. I was shattered and felt abandoned at a crucial time of my life. In my faltering I eventually grew, found strength, and subsequently learned how this loss affected my life in transforming ways.
*Marrying my high school sweetheart. We were so young, and yet we found creative ways to help each other negotiate young adulthood together. We were each other’s first loves, and no other love quite compares with that first one. What a gift.
*Writing books. I hadn’t intended this to be a vital part of my life, but I had a lot of unanswered questions in my life. Writing helped me reflect on these questions that I needed to grapple with. Now I can see that writing has been one of my life’s most significant opportunities.
*Entering spiritual direction. I had no idea what spiritual direction was at age 35 when I started with my first director, but I quickly came to see that it would be crucial to my life. Spiritual direction changed the trajectory of my entire life.
*Getting free of intimidation in a love relationship. The biggest turning point in my life was when I healed internally and subsequently left an abusive love relationship at mid-life. This choice and action saved my emotional and spiritual life.
*Attending a multi-racial church. With a world set upon making people fearful of differences and at war with one another, going to a multi-racial church changed my world view, my experience of God, and my core relationships. My life would not be as rich or as courageous without that experience.
What if we told even a few of our life stories through the lens of our own journey coats? What events, celebrations or successes do we recall that our coat represents? Or like mine, what turning points in our lives would we invisibly stitch into the hem of our journey coat? Are there any painful memories that come to the surface? What would we like to forget? What secrets, pain or trauma do we hide in those inner coat pockets that no one sees or has access to?
Why dredge up these stories, or what makes telling our journey coat story worth it?
You might be asking, at this point, “Why tell any of the private stories of our journey coats?”
What is stirred up within us if someone invites us to tell the story of our beloved coat? Perhaps if we accepted the invitation to share the key events that made this coat so special, we might find out more about how comforted, creative, or courageous it made us. We might also remember how it was with us when we were vulnerable, sad, or scared. We might even be invited to tell some of our secrets that have not yet seen the light of day. Our favorite coat may be a safe place that holds many parts of our story, our pain, our survival, even our healing, as in Joseph’s story.
Let’s consider what a few writers of the inner life would say about the importance of telling our stories, including our secrets. Frederick Buechner, in Telling Secrets, says it so well:
“I have come to believe that by and large the human family all has the same secrets, which are both very telling and very important to tell. They are telling in the sense that they tell what is perhaps the central paradox of our condition—that what we hunger for perhaps more than anything else is to be known in our full humanness, and yet that is often just what we also fear more than anything else.”
“It is important to tell at least from time to time the secret of who we truly and fully are even if we tell it only to ourselves—because otherwise we run the risk of losing track of who we truly and fully are and little by little come to accept instead the highly edited version which we put forth in hope that the world will find it more acceptable than the real things… It also makes it easier for other people to tell us a secret or two of their own, and exchanges like that have a lot to do with what being a family is all about and what being human is all about.”
Margaret Silf, in her book, The Inner Compass, tells the story of a friend of hers who is dying and who is surrounded by memories, photos, icons, gifts, people, books, children, and his beloved wife. Margaret likens his life to a large square of wool yarn that he has been knitting his whole life, each stitch representing a memory he is summoning now. It is time for him to bring this large, knitted square of his life to God. Telling his memorable stories at this point in his life helps him to summarize the meaning of his life—and share it with his family.
Joseph’s life story, as symbolized and inaugurated by his coat story has helped inspire, challenge, and transform those who read it. It has given hope and encouragement to people who might feel like giving up when life treats them badly. Joseph’s story illustrates the shadow sides of human behavior as well as the light sides. It has shown that forgiveness and reconciliation are indeed possible, even though complicated, and difficult. I wonder, from time to time, what the title of my life’s story would be if it were made into a play. I think mine might be something like “It is what it is,” “A spark of light,” or maybe “Yikes!” What would your story title be?
Using our journey coat story to help us heal and celebrate.
Each of our coat’s scratches, stains, tears, repairs, worn spots, and mended seams represent a way we wore and took care of our favorite coat. What if we transferred that same compassion or care to our lives?
What if, by wearing our favorite coat, we could look more closely at our lives? Sometimes this is best done with the extra counsel we need (like a wise mentor or a counselor), to help us repair and to heal the hidden pockets, the unprocessed parts of our lives.
What if our coats would help us celebrate what we are grateful for and give us an opportunity to thank someone or ourselves for such grace?
What if our favorite jackets could help us to grieve, wail, forgive and heal because we are safe with our coat or jacket embracing us.
I can still hear some voices around me asking “What makes telling our stories of the past that important? Why dredge it up when we may not even remember it anymore—or want to?”
Here’s why: Because if for no other reason than for our physical health and well-being. But also, for our peace of mind and a healed heart.
Recent scientific research in mind-body healing reveals startlingly verified truths. One is that our bodies carry cellular memories of our whole lives, memories of things that happened even in our early childhood. This is true especially for anything that was dangerous or traumatic. Unhealed trauma is more closely connected with physical illness and responsible for more physical symptoms than most other variables. Lissa Rankin, MD, in her book called Sacred Medicine, says that healing the trauma in our bodies is the gold standard for medicine in the future. It may be more important than new medications and interventions that tend to mask the symptoms rather than get to the core trauma that still resides in our bodies. After doing research for ten years on all kinds of healing modalities, Lissa cites two specific types of body-mind therapies that have shown to be vitally connected to the healing of core body trauma. She writes about them in ways that are quite accessible. One is called Advanced Integrative Therapy (AIT) and the other is Internal Family Systems (IFS). She cites how to use both in her book.
It is also becoming increasingly clear that our personal spiritual dimensions and disciplines have as much or more healing power than medicine. Yikes. The Awakened Brain, by Dr. Lisa Miller, describes and then shows through research and brain scans that spiritual disciplines are clearly linked with resilience and with decreases in depression. These disciplines can even be instrumental in heading off depression. This does not mean that medicine is not helpful but that other well researched methods of healing may now be experienced and trusted. Not only does the author show this research scientifically, but she also begins to experience it in her own life and is astounded at how powerful it is. This research has verified what deeply spiritual people have been practicing for years but only now have verified ways to talk about it.
What can we expect when we do this work?
No one can guarantee that we will be cured by doing this inner work. Yet the very idea that we are interested in it will allow our bodies to trust us more and work alongside us. If we can intentionally involve our favorite coats in our healing process to let our stories surface more and more, we may find that there is more healing possible than we thought or believed.
Here’s an example of trauma healing from my own life. I was sexually assaulted by a highly educated boss in an academic setting when I was twenty-six years old. That trauma has stayed with me but hidden from sight for a long time. Once I knew about how this trauma was lodged in my cellular memory, and I got in closer touch with how painful, shameful, and difficult it was, I had a much better chance of healing it. I used one of the therapeutic models that Rankin suggested to get in touch with my body memory. Then I met with a trusted male friend who heard my story and helped me to heal and release that memory. It has allowed me to experience more internal freedom and release from that trauma and a few other unsavory experiences with men. I now feel free!
In the earlier story of Margaret Silf and her friend who was dying and considering his life meaning, she suggests that in his last days he is now casting off the last stitches to finish his square. One by one he surrenders his stitches. Silf writes, “The process is bittersweet, shot through with pangs of grief and heartbreak, yet transfigured by the promise of what is being completed…Soon he will hear the words of heaven: ‘Consummatum est. It is completed. The square I gave you to knit is finished.’ Perhaps he asks himself, as I do when I look to my own casting off, “Will the Lord accept the square I bring him for the Kingdom blanket?”
“And I think then that it isn’t going to matter so much about the mistakes and the spoiled patterns and the dropped stitches. What is going to matter is the one crucial question: “Does it help to keep my people warm?’ Which will be valued more: a blanket full of faults and holes, to keep people warm, or the perfect masterpiece that you never made?”
Blessing for your journey coat and your pilgrimage
Here is a blessing for your journey, for your specific favorite coat which we could now call your Pilgrim Coat or Journey Coat, representing your life pilgrimage. This is written by a dear friend, Tracy Mooty.
A Pilgrim Blessing~
May our gracious God give you eyes to see
the course of your life as sacred;
to know in the depths of your being
that the many sunlit paths
and even the shadowy detours have
mattered greatly as they served to
form the very essence of who you are.
May you take heart as you invite
each journey marker
to take shape in your memory;
each learning, wounding, softening,
healing, breaking, strengthening~
claim them as precious and holy,
as the very fabric of your pilgrim coat.
May this coat, your coat,
woven together by the threads of
your God graced, love-filled story
stir you to thank and praise the One who
through it all
warms, protects, sustains and
leads you home.
Tracy Mooty
Janet Hagberg, 2023. Please pass along.
See icon above.
Stop for a moment and recall a special coat, or jacket, (or, for that matter, a football jersey, or sports hat, or purse, or any clothing that you have a special connection with.) Can you recall a memory that accompanies this item? For the sake of this reflection, I’ll stick with the coat image, but you can superimpose whatever item fits for you.
Why would we reflect on an ordinary coat? Maybe it’s not a big deal but I think our favorite coat represents part of our life journey that is worth remembering. And when I think of coats, I recall a very famous coat that meant something in ancient history, the multi-colored coat that got a young man in so much trouble—but also vitally changed the trajectory of his life.
This young man was Joseph. In the Hebrew scriptures, Joseph’s father, Jacob, made this coat for him. It represented how special Joseph was to his father. That did not go over well with Joseph’s other eleven brothers, especially since Joseph rubbed it in by describing dreams in which his brothers bowed down to him! This was sibling rivalry at its most potent. The story is dramatized in the popular musical, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Here are a few of the lyrics, from Andrew Lloyd Weber’s song about that famous coat. I can just hear Donny Osmond singing this song.
I wore my coat, with golden lining
Bright colours shining, wonderful and new
And in the east, the dawn was breaking
And the world was waking
Any dream will do
A crash of drums, a flash of light
My golden coat flew out of sight
The colours faded into darkness
I was left alone
In Joseph’s story his brothers, most of whom came to hate him, decided to capture, and sell him to merchants who were on their way to Egypt. Then they took his coat, dipped it in blood, and told their father that Joseph was killed by lions. But his story was not over by a long shot. Through a series of dramatic and perilous events, including prison, an official’s wife falsely accusing him, and miraculous dream interpretations, he finally becomes an official in the Egyptian government. He ends up saving the lives of his brothers and his father. The final scene of the story depicts forgiveness and restoration. Joseph’s coat changed his life.
What might be the meaning of our coats?
Other cultures have rich traditions of meaningful garments and various kinds of pilgrimages associated with them. One example is Japan’s tradition of pilgrims walking through the mountains, sometimes in difficult terrain, from one temple to another. Each pilgrim begins the journey by wearing a short symbolic coat with a personal theme inscribed on it. Each temple is a stopping point where pilgrims receive an imprint of that temple’s seal or stamp on their coat. At the end of their pilgrimage the coat beautifully documents their whole experience.
That image and story were so poignant for me that I made a fabric icon of a woman, representing me, wearing a unique pilgrim coat on a journey to wholeness. It was based on an image created by Carolyn Myss that immediately caught my attention. It seemed to represent all the coats I’ve had that were very special to me. Coats seem to find me and some of my most vivid memories are of my various coats. On my icon I added birds to accompany me as personal companions and I wrote the theme of my life in bold letters on the coat, ”O love that will not let me go.” I also wanted to include the main turning points of my life journey on my icon coat, so I wrote twenty-five turning points in very small letters on the hem of my coat. These are what I deemed the most important experiences of my life. It seemed like I had in fact created a visual autobiography. For me it was a breathtaking experience. I call this art piece my Journey Coat. I include a photo of it as an addendum to this essay.
A few of my turning points included on the hem of my journey coat were these:
*My mother’s death when she was only 55 and I was 22. I was shattered and felt abandoned at a crucial time of my life. In my faltering I eventually grew, found strength, and subsequently learned how this loss affected my life in transforming ways.
*Marrying my high school sweetheart. We were so young, and yet we found creative ways to help each other negotiate young adulthood together. We were each other’s first loves, and no other love quite compares with that first one. What a gift.
*Writing books. I hadn’t intended this to be a vital part of my life, but I had a lot of unanswered questions in my life. Writing helped me reflect on these questions that I needed to grapple with. Now I can see that writing has been one of my life’s most significant opportunities.
*Entering spiritual direction. I had no idea what spiritual direction was at age 35 when I started with my first director, but I quickly came to see that it would be crucial to my life. Spiritual direction changed the trajectory of my entire life.
*Getting free of intimidation in a love relationship. The biggest turning point in my life was when I healed internally and subsequently left an abusive love relationship at mid-life. This choice and action saved my emotional and spiritual life.
*Attending a multi-racial church. With a world set upon making people fearful of differences and at war with one another, going to a multi-racial church changed my world view, my experience of God, and my core relationships. My life would not be as rich or as courageous without that experience.
What if we told even a few of our life stories through the lens of our own journey coats? What events, celebrations or successes do we recall that our coat represents? Or like mine, what turning points in our lives would we invisibly stitch into the hem of our journey coat? Are there any painful memories that come to the surface? What would we like to forget? What secrets, pain or trauma do we hide in those inner coat pockets that no one sees or has access to?
Why dredge up these stories, or what makes telling our journey coat story worth it?
You might be asking, at this point, “Why tell any of the private stories of our journey coats?”
What is stirred up within us if someone invites us to tell the story of our beloved coat? Perhaps if we accepted the invitation to share the key events that made this coat so special, we might find out more about how comforted, creative, or courageous it made us. We might also remember how it was with us when we were vulnerable, sad, or scared. We might even be invited to tell some of our secrets that have not yet seen the light of day. Our favorite coat may be a safe place that holds many parts of our story, our pain, our survival, even our healing, as in Joseph’s story.
Let’s consider what a few writers of the inner life would say about the importance of telling our stories, including our secrets. Frederick Buechner, in Telling Secrets, says it so well:
“I have come to believe that by and large the human family all has the same secrets, which are both very telling and very important to tell. They are telling in the sense that they tell what is perhaps the central paradox of our condition—that what we hunger for perhaps more than anything else is to be known in our full humanness, and yet that is often just what we also fear more than anything else.”
“It is important to tell at least from time to time the secret of who we truly and fully are even if we tell it only to ourselves—because otherwise we run the risk of losing track of who we truly and fully are and little by little come to accept instead the highly edited version which we put forth in hope that the world will find it more acceptable than the real things… It also makes it easier for other people to tell us a secret or two of their own, and exchanges like that have a lot to do with what being a family is all about and what being human is all about.”
Margaret Silf, in her book, The Inner Compass, tells the story of a friend of hers who is dying and who is surrounded by memories, photos, icons, gifts, people, books, children, and his beloved wife. Margaret likens his life to a large square of wool yarn that he has been knitting his whole life, each stitch representing a memory he is summoning now. It is time for him to bring this large, knitted square of his life to God. Telling his memorable stories at this point in his life helps him to summarize the meaning of his life—and share it with his family.
Joseph’s life story, as symbolized and inaugurated by his coat story has helped inspire, challenge, and transform those who read it. It has given hope and encouragement to people who might feel like giving up when life treats them badly. Joseph’s story illustrates the shadow sides of human behavior as well as the light sides. It has shown that forgiveness and reconciliation are indeed possible, even though complicated, and difficult. I wonder, from time to time, what the title of my life’s story would be if it were made into a play. I think mine might be something like “It is what it is,” “A spark of light,” or maybe “Yikes!” What would your story title be?
Using our journey coat story to help us heal and celebrate.
Each of our coat’s scratches, stains, tears, repairs, worn spots, and mended seams represent a way we wore and took care of our favorite coat. What if we transferred that same compassion or care to our lives?
What if, by wearing our favorite coat, we could look more closely at our lives? Sometimes this is best done with the extra counsel we need (like a wise mentor or a counselor), to help us repair and to heal the hidden pockets, the unprocessed parts of our lives.
What if our coats would help us celebrate what we are grateful for and give us an opportunity to thank someone or ourselves for such grace?
What if our favorite jackets could help us to grieve, wail, forgive and heal because we are safe with our coat or jacket embracing us.
I can still hear some voices around me asking “What makes telling our stories of the past that important? Why dredge it up when we may not even remember it anymore—or want to?”
Here’s why: Because if for no other reason than for our physical health and well-being. But also, for our peace of mind and a healed heart.
Recent scientific research in mind-body healing reveals startlingly verified truths. One is that our bodies carry cellular memories of our whole lives, memories of things that happened even in our early childhood. This is true especially for anything that was dangerous or traumatic. Unhealed trauma is more closely connected with physical illness and responsible for more physical symptoms than most other variables. Lissa Rankin, MD, in her book called Sacred Medicine, says that healing the trauma in our bodies is the gold standard for medicine in the future. It may be more important than new medications and interventions that tend to mask the symptoms rather than get to the core trauma that still resides in our bodies. After doing research for ten years on all kinds of healing modalities, Lissa cites two specific types of body-mind therapies that have shown to be vitally connected to the healing of core body trauma. She writes about them in ways that are quite accessible. One is called Advanced Integrative Therapy (AIT) and the other is Internal Family Systems (IFS). She cites how to use both in her book.
It is also becoming increasingly clear that our personal spiritual dimensions and disciplines have as much or more healing power than medicine. Yikes. The Awakened Brain, by Dr. Lisa Miller, describes and then shows through research and brain scans that spiritual disciplines are clearly linked with resilience and with decreases in depression. These disciplines can even be instrumental in heading off depression. This does not mean that medicine is not helpful but that other well researched methods of healing may now be experienced and trusted. Not only does the author show this research scientifically, but she also begins to experience it in her own life and is astounded at how powerful it is. This research has verified what deeply spiritual people have been practicing for years but only now have verified ways to talk about it.
What can we expect when we do this work?
No one can guarantee that we will be cured by doing this inner work. Yet the very idea that we are interested in it will allow our bodies to trust us more and work alongside us. If we can intentionally involve our favorite coats in our healing process to let our stories surface more and more, we may find that there is more healing possible than we thought or believed.
Here’s an example of trauma healing from my own life. I was sexually assaulted by a highly educated boss in an academic setting when I was twenty-six years old. That trauma has stayed with me but hidden from sight for a long time. Once I knew about how this trauma was lodged in my cellular memory, and I got in closer touch with how painful, shameful, and difficult it was, I had a much better chance of healing it. I used one of the therapeutic models that Rankin suggested to get in touch with my body memory. Then I met with a trusted male friend who heard my story and helped me to heal and release that memory. It has allowed me to experience more internal freedom and release from that trauma and a few other unsavory experiences with men. I now feel free!
In the earlier story of Margaret Silf and her friend who was dying and considering his life meaning, she suggests that in his last days he is now casting off the last stitches to finish his square. One by one he surrenders his stitches. Silf writes, “The process is bittersweet, shot through with pangs of grief and heartbreak, yet transfigured by the promise of what is being completed…Soon he will hear the words of heaven: ‘Consummatum est. It is completed. The square I gave you to knit is finished.’ Perhaps he asks himself, as I do when I look to my own casting off, “Will the Lord accept the square I bring him for the Kingdom blanket?”
“And I think then that it isn’t going to matter so much about the mistakes and the spoiled patterns and the dropped stitches. What is going to matter is the one crucial question: “Does it help to keep my people warm?’ Which will be valued more: a blanket full of faults and holes, to keep people warm, or the perfect masterpiece that you never made?”
Blessing for your journey coat and your pilgrimage
Here is a blessing for your journey, for your specific favorite coat which we could now call your Pilgrim Coat or Journey Coat, representing your life pilgrimage. This is written by a dear friend, Tracy Mooty.
A Pilgrim Blessing~
May our gracious God give you eyes to see
the course of your life as sacred;
to know in the depths of your being
that the many sunlit paths
and even the shadowy detours have
mattered greatly as they served to
form the very essence of who you are.
May you take heart as you invite
each journey marker
to take shape in your memory;
each learning, wounding, softening,
healing, breaking, strengthening~
claim them as precious and holy,
as the very fabric of your pilgrim coat.
May this coat, your coat,
woven together by the threads of
your God graced, love-filled story
stir you to thank and praise the One who
through it all
warms, protects, sustains and
leads you home.
Tracy Mooty
Janet Hagberg, 2023. Please pass along.
See icon above.