Oasis in a Time of Chaos
I feel called to be an oasis of calm amid the chaos of the world these days. That includes being a place of refuge both for myself and others. It means living from an inner calm that is not tossed about by the latest news or the latest crisis. More on that later but let me explore the whole idea of oasis first and then later describe why it can be so vital. I’m going to invite you to consider yourself an oasis too.
My most memorable oasis story
Three months into the pandemic, four months after my like-a-son, Michael age forty-nine, died of a Glioblastoma, and a week after George Floyd’s murder I faced yet another personal crisis. The throngs of protestors (who in principle I supported) scheduled a route right down the street in front of my condo. The marchers were mostly peaceful but there had been looting, fires and violence in several parts of the city. And a large semi-trailer had recently driven directly towards a crowd of protesters by mistake and confusion. The driver was saved by a heroic group of young men who took him from the vehicle and safely surrounded him so he would not be a victim of revengeful and heightened emotions, but it was frightful to watch. Our mayor lives one block from me and the bar/cafe where Floyd and Chauvin were both bouncers is three blocks from me. In other words, my neighborhood was a target rich protest environment.
That day as the march was headed my way I knew I had to leave. My body was riddled with fear and anxiety, adding angst to my already grieving soul. Within fifteen minutes I had called a friend, hastily packed a small bag of essentials (what does one most need and want in emergencies?) and was on my way out of the city center.
My friend welcomed me, provided space, quiet and comfort, fed me well, and let me process the unfolding. We talked, drank tea and debriefed. I exhaled deeply. I took walks in her neighborhood and rested my soul.
I would call what she provided for me an oasis amid chaos and fear.
I have never forgotten it.
What is an oasis?
For me an oasis is a place of respite, calm, self-care, peace, safety, and especially hope. Oases can be simple: a streak of sunshine on a rainy day, a soft touch on my shoulder on a hard day, a sincere smile especially from a stranger, the song of a favorite bird, a church bell, a phone call from a friend, a daffodil in early spring. Oases can be people, places, practices or even experiences or events. They can seem like safe harbors for some or wide-open spaces for others. One familiar image is a water source in a desert. Each person can decide for themselves what the oases are in their lives and how to be an oasis for oneself.
Baseball is one of my joyful oases. Just going to a game, taking in the sights and smells, admiring the stadium, listening to the organ music, watching the stellar play of the athletes, keeping score, soothes my soul. Of course, I love when they win but if they play well and lose, I’m still (mostly) satisfied.
Let’s look at a few examples of oases.
*The home of one of my good friends, though not large, is designed intentionally to be an inviting and calming atmosphere. Two comfortable chairs face a free-standing fireplace. Multiple green plants grace the whole space. Light streams in through windows on both sides of the living room. A deck houses several bird feeders and has a view of large oak trees. Soft music usually plays in the background. My whole being relaxes in this space. And my friend is a fabulous cook. He and his home: Oasis.
*A colleague of mine, a teacher and father of three, takes one day a month to “be apart” from his everyday responsibilities and schedule. He goes to a retreat place to get quiet, to receive deeper messages from God and the mystical poets, and to recenter his life. The retreat repeat is one of the basic structures of his life now. Being lovingly apart: Oasis
*Many people in recovery from addictions meet regularly to be honest, available, vulnerable, and supportive of others in the recovery process. Meetings like this become a safe and non-judgmental space in which to practice and maintain sobriety. Any group that welcomes you and makes you feel like you are welcome can be an oasis. A place of belonging and safety: Oasis.
*Several people I know thoroughly enjoy their grandchildren and have chosen to design time with each of them individually to get to know them better and share their young lives. The activities are as varied as the children. These precious times can provide deeper connections for both the kids and the elders. Sharing special personal time: Oasis
When people, places or things we expect to be oases aren’t
Alas, not all the things I’ve mentioned as oases for others may be oases for us. What happens when the places or people we expected to be our oasis turn out to be places of discord, or danger, or even self-affliction? Our oasis becomes a mirage when we are in a home that is fragile or highly dysfunctional, or we have absent grandparents, or we have drug, food or alcohol addictions, or trauma from the betrayal of someone we loved or trusted. The list goes on…
Discerning what is an oasis and what is a false expectation is crucial to our psyches. I invite you to choose what your true oases are –how to find them and when and how to engage them. Before we go there, let’s look at a few more oases to consider from others’ experiences.
More oases to ponder
*Nature, whether woods or water, flowers or cacti, mountains or deserts, birds or reptiles are natural places or experiences of respite. So are sunrises, sunsets, clouds. Nature is a safe generous place away from the crowds and offers its own way of listening, enveloping and healing our souls. Nature as nurture: Oasis
*Each time I enter a chapel, no matter the size, I feel a welcoming presence, like arms opening wide to receive me in compassion and hospitality. I have visited chapels in small towns, on mountain walks, at holy sites, and in large cathedrals. Hospital chapels often provide comfort and reassurance for people in times of crisis and uncertainty. Sacred, comforting places: Oases.
*Food can be a strong source of memory, safety and security. Birthday dinners out. Special holiday meals. Food adventures we’ve shared with select people, like eating chocolate covered grasshoppers! Comfort food: who doesn’t know what their comfort foods are? Even before we take the food into our mouth, we can feel the comfort coming on. Oreos, s’mores, pancakes, turkey and mashed potatoes, chips, cake, chocolate! Comfort food: Oasis.
*I visited a new church for the first time and sat alone near the back. An older woman came and sat next to me and gradually started asking me some inviting questions about myself as we were waiting for the service to start. She seemed genuinely interested and was not doing her Sunday duty.😉 After the service she said she had someone she wanted me to meet. That began a ten-year relationship not only with her but with a resident theologian who became my friend and mentor and who was partially responsible for my future career as a spiritual director. Being welcomed by authentic and sincere people: oasis.
*When I traveled with my husband and two energetic teenaged stepsons on longer than weekend trips, I took a whole morning off every third day. I took the time to be alone, to embrace the experience, to regroup internally and to rest. I think they called it my “Janet” time. We all knew that if they wanted me to be my best self on vacation, I needed the breaks. Intentional refueling breaks, even from a fun schedule as self-care: Oases.
Why is it vital to find our own oases?
Maybe it seems obvious but finding restful, safe, refueling spaces within or places around us is simply good for our health and well-being. When we are less tense and more attuned to simple but crucial self-care and nurturing on a routine basis our whole demeanor can change. We even look more relaxed. It doesn’t have to be a trip or a retreat, but maybe just stopping for five minutes at a park while staying in our car on our way home from somewhere. I take ten-minute breaks to sit and breathe with my hands on my solar plexus when I feel anxious or overwhelmed. Oases can remind us of what matters most in our lives or what we need to do or be in the next hour or so.
When we are more grounded and less tense our mood ripples out to other people, just like anger ripples out and incites others’ tension and anger. We exude what is going on inside. Even on hard days we can be kind to ourselves and be honest with our feelings, giving them time and attention. In so doing the feelings are more likely to simmer down. Eventually we will even find the gift or the hidden blessing in each life experience, if we are courageous enough and ready to reach for it.
I don’t think I need to say more about how important oases are since most of us recognize by instinct the feelings and mood they inspire. Yet we all have unspoken questions about oases. How can I do that when so many other things are hounding me and vying for my attention? The hardest part might be finding and experiencing our oases when we most need them. It's a matter of knowing that we need oases and then finding the right ones that fit us at that moment or chapter in our lives. Try it out. It’s not always easy but not impossible.
What and where are your oases?
How do you find time and space for them?
What happens as a result?
Once you find out what the oases are for you and how they make a difference, I have a delicious invitation and challenge for you.
Would you consider being an oasis for others?
Why would we consider being an oasis for others? Most of us may already be oases without really knowing it, but what if we were more intentional about being an oasis. It may sound like an added burden. Why would we still do it?
I have a simple answer. Because it matters so much to us and to those we are oases for. It may surprise us how much it means. It may even be a life changer. Who knows? Let me tell you a poignant story about someone who naturally chose to be an oasis for me in my early life.
Looking back on childhood, I had an oasis person right next door to my house, and I wasn’t fully aware of how important she was until I was an adult. Our next-door neighbor, Thelma, had two sons and no daughters, so maybe that’s why she initially invited me to come over to her home every so often. I don’t know. I just remember I got to share my day and eat her cookies and have a favorite cool drink. She even sewed doll clothes for my little Vogue dolls (I came of age before Barbie!). I didn’t realize what a respite she was from the walking-on-eggshells atmosphere at my home and how special I felt in her presence until I thought back later about how much I looked forward to those visits. She was so safe and fun and easy. And she didn’t have any expectations for my behavior that I was aware of. She was just there; a source of unconditional support--and right next door. She was an oasis without even knowing it. Or maybe she did know it. That’s the delicious part to ponder. Yikes.
What you might need to be an oasis for others?
I’ll just offer a series of possibilities for your oasis development! You can choose which ones resonate with you. And add your own…Believe in the idea of oases. Learn to be an intentional oasis for yourself. Tell stories about oases in your own life. Choose mottos you live by and share them with others (my current favorite is “oh well”). Select an image that reminds you of being an oasis (my most precious image is a tree I call the womb tree). Decide how you want to be an oasis and with whom. Then carefully manage your range of activity and energy to best maintain your own health and wellbeing. Keep in close touch with your higher power and turn over all the outcomes to the holy. Be fully present. Listen intently. Ask open ended questions of people who come to you, so you do not become a savior or a fixer, just a sacred or calm presence. Make no judgments but use wise discernment. Write about your experiences. Trust the process of being an oasis. Rejoice in it. See the gift in each encounter. Think of your presence as infused with love so it becomes holy, holy, holy.
Who are you an oasis for now? How?
With whom are you sensing a nudge to be an oasis?
What are the joys and challenges of being an oasis for others?
When being an oasis may not be possible
Now, dear reader, I can hear some of you saying, “I’d like to think about being an oasis, but my life is overwhelmed already, and I hardly have the energy to be an oasis for myself.” Reader, I get it. I hear you. Sometimes, as my story at the beginning of this essay recalls, we just do not have the capacity to be an oasis for others, sometimes not even for ourselves. Our tanks are nearly empty. So, in those times, we can allow others to be oases for us or perhaps we can simply be a small oasis for ourselves. Let’s treat ourselves kindly, in ways that give us calm, love and hope.
During the writing of this story, I would not have been able to be an oasis for others. I had to deal with a difficult situation of an anxious howling dog on the floor where I live. It took all my energy just to be willing to observe and report the unpredictable disruptions in a consistent
Along the way, I’ve asked myself what being an oasis for myself looks like in this scenario. I assuage my own feelings in healthy ways, I walk in nature, I debrief with friends, I continue to write when I can, and I continue to pray for all involved. It has allowed me to see that healing for me in this situation means continuing my writing as my best way to face into my fear and anxiety and not letting the situation stop me. One sure place I’ve found as my oasis throughout all of this is in my true source who, for me, is God. Whatever name you choose, the Holy is always available to soothe our souls.
The Holy as our oasis!!!
I leave you with a soothing poem about God as oasis. It’s from a book called Fragments of Your Ancient Name by Joyce Rupp, naming attributes of God. This one is by Jan Struther.
Lord of All Calm
You bring durability like mountains
And tranquility gentle as a violet.
You are continually available
For us to turn toward, to find peace,
To locate a place to rest our heart
With its endless preoccupations.
When anxiety floods our mind
And disrupts the flow of serenity,
You await our receptivity to you.
So we can receive your stillness.
Today: I locate calmness amid what distracts me.
ÓJanet Hagberg, 2025. Please pass this essay along.
My most memorable oasis story
Three months into the pandemic, four months after my like-a-son, Michael age forty-nine, died of a Glioblastoma, and a week after George Floyd’s murder I faced yet another personal crisis. The throngs of protestors (who in principle I supported) scheduled a route right down the street in front of my condo. The marchers were mostly peaceful but there had been looting, fires and violence in several parts of the city. And a large semi-trailer had recently driven directly towards a crowd of protesters by mistake and confusion. The driver was saved by a heroic group of young men who took him from the vehicle and safely surrounded him so he would not be a victim of revengeful and heightened emotions, but it was frightful to watch. Our mayor lives one block from me and the bar/cafe where Floyd and Chauvin were both bouncers is three blocks from me. In other words, my neighborhood was a target rich protest environment.
That day as the march was headed my way I knew I had to leave. My body was riddled with fear and anxiety, adding angst to my already grieving soul. Within fifteen minutes I had called a friend, hastily packed a small bag of essentials (what does one most need and want in emergencies?) and was on my way out of the city center.
My friend welcomed me, provided space, quiet and comfort, fed me well, and let me process the unfolding. We talked, drank tea and debriefed. I exhaled deeply. I took walks in her neighborhood and rested my soul.
I would call what she provided for me an oasis amid chaos and fear.
I have never forgotten it.
What is an oasis?
For me an oasis is a place of respite, calm, self-care, peace, safety, and especially hope. Oases can be simple: a streak of sunshine on a rainy day, a soft touch on my shoulder on a hard day, a sincere smile especially from a stranger, the song of a favorite bird, a church bell, a phone call from a friend, a daffodil in early spring. Oases can be people, places, practices or even experiences or events. They can seem like safe harbors for some or wide-open spaces for others. One familiar image is a water source in a desert. Each person can decide for themselves what the oases are in their lives and how to be an oasis for oneself.
Baseball is one of my joyful oases. Just going to a game, taking in the sights and smells, admiring the stadium, listening to the organ music, watching the stellar play of the athletes, keeping score, soothes my soul. Of course, I love when they win but if they play well and lose, I’m still (mostly) satisfied.
Let’s look at a few examples of oases.
*The home of one of my good friends, though not large, is designed intentionally to be an inviting and calming atmosphere. Two comfortable chairs face a free-standing fireplace. Multiple green plants grace the whole space. Light streams in through windows on both sides of the living room. A deck houses several bird feeders and has a view of large oak trees. Soft music usually plays in the background. My whole being relaxes in this space. And my friend is a fabulous cook. He and his home: Oasis.
*A colleague of mine, a teacher and father of three, takes one day a month to “be apart” from his everyday responsibilities and schedule. He goes to a retreat place to get quiet, to receive deeper messages from God and the mystical poets, and to recenter his life. The retreat repeat is one of the basic structures of his life now. Being lovingly apart: Oasis
*Many people in recovery from addictions meet regularly to be honest, available, vulnerable, and supportive of others in the recovery process. Meetings like this become a safe and non-judgmental space in which to practice and maintain sobriety. Any group that welcomes you and makes you feel like you are welcome can be an oasis. A place of belonging and safety: Oasis.
*Several people I know thoroughly enjoy their grandchildren and have chosen to design time with each of them individually to get to know them better and share their young lives. The activities are as varied as the children. These precious times can provide deeper connections for both the kids and the elders. Sharing special personal time: Oasis
When people, places or things we expect to be oases aren’t
Alas, not all the things I’ve mentioned as oases for others may be oases for us. What happens when the places or people we expected to be our oasis turn out to be places of discord, or danger, or even self-affliction? Our oasis becomes a mirage when we are in a home that is fragile or highly dysfunctional, or we have absent grandparents, or we have drug, food or alcohol addictions, or trauma from the betrayal of someone we loved or trusted. The list goes on…
Discerning what is an oasis and what is a false expectation is crucial to our psyches. I invite you to choose what your true oases are –how to find them and when and how to engage them. Before we go there, let’s look at a few more oases to consider from others’ experiences.
More oases to ponder
*Nature, whether woods or water, flowers or cacti, mountains or deserts, birds or reptiles are natural places or experiences of respite. So are sunrises, sunsets, clouds. Nature is a safe generous place away from the crowds and offers its own way of listening, enveloping and healing our souls. Nature as nurture: Oasis
*Each time I enter a chapel, no matter the size, I feel a welcoming presence, like arms opening wide to receive me in compassion and hospitality. I have visited chapels in small towns, on mountain walks, at holy sites, and in large cathedrals. Hospital chapels often provide comfort and reassurance for people in times of crisis and uncertainty. Sacred, comforting places: Oases.
*Food can be a strong source of memory, safety and security. Birthday dinners out. Special holiday meals. Food adventures we’ve shared with select people, like eating chocolate covered grasshoppers! Comfort food: who doesn’t know what their comfort foods are? Even before we take the food into our mouth, we can feel the comfort coming on. Oreos, s’mores, pancakes, turkey and mashed potatoes, chips, cake, chocolate! Comfort food: Oasis.
*I visited a new church for the first time and sat alone near the back. An older woman came and sat next to me and gradually started asking me some inviting questions about myself as we were waiting for the service to start. She seemed genuinely interested and was not doing her Sunday duty.😉 After the service she said she had someone she wanted me to meet. That began a ten-year relationship not only with her but with a resident theologian who became my friend and mentor and who was partially responsible for my future career as a spiritual director. Being welcomed by authentic and sincere people: oasis.
*When I traveled with my husband and two energetic teenaged stepsons on longer than weekend trips, I took a whole morning off every third day. I took the time to be alone, to embrace the experience, to regroup internally and to rest. I think they called it my “Janet” time. We all knew that if they wanted me to be my best self on vacation, I needed the breaks. Intentional refueling breaks, even from a fun schedule as self-care: Oases.
Why is it vital to find our own oases?
Maybe it seems obvious but finding restful, safe, refueling spaces within or places around us is simply good for our health and well-being. When we are less tense and more attuned to simple but crucial self-care and nurturing on a routine basis our whole demeanor can change. We even look more relaxed. It doesn’t have to be a trip or a retreat, but maybe just stopping for five minutes at a park while staying in our car on our way home from somewhere. I take ten-minute breaks to sit and breathe with my hands on my solar plexus when I feel anxious or overwhelmed. Oases can remind us of what matters most in our lives or what we need to do or be in the next hour or so.
When we are more grounded and less tense our mood ripples out to other people, just like anger ripples out and incites others’ tension and anger. We exude what is going on inside. Even on hard days we can be kind to ourselves and be honest with our feelings, giving them time and attention. In so doing the feelings are more likely to simmer down. Eventually we will even find the gift or the hidden blessing in each life experience, if we are courageous enough and ready to reach for it.
I don’t think I need to say more about how important oases are since most of us recognize by instinct the feelings and mood they inspire. Yet we all have unspoken questions about oases. How can I do that when so many other things are hounding me and vying for my attention? The hardest part might be finding and experiencing our oases when we most need them. It's a matter of knowing that we need oases and then finding the right ones that fit us at that moment or chapter in our lives. Try it out. It’s not always easy but not impossible.
What and where are your oases?
How do you find time and space for them?
What happens as a result?
Once you find out what the oases are for you and how they make a difference, I have a delicious invitation and challenge for you.
Would you consider being an oasis for others?
Why would we consider being an oasis for others? Most of us may already be oases without really knowing it, but what if we were more intentional about being an oasis. It may sound like an added burden. Why would we still do it?
I have a simple answer. Because it matters so much to us and to those we are oases for. It may surprise us how much it means. It may even be a life changer. Who knows? Let me tell you a poignant story about someone who naturally chose to be an oasis for me in my early life.
Looking back on childhood, I had an oasis person right next door to my house, and I wasn’t fully aware of how important she was until I was an adult. Our next-door neighbor, Thelma, had two sons and no daughters, so maybe that’s why she initially invited me to come over to her home every so often. I don’t know. I just remember I got to share my day and eat her cookies and have a favorite cool drink. She even sewed doll clothes for my little Vogue dolls (I came of age before Barbie!). I didn’t realize what a respite she was from the walking-on-eggshells atmosphere at my home and how special I felt in her presence until I thought back later about how much I looked forward to those visits. She was so safe and fun and easy. And she didn’t have any expectations for my behavior that I was aware of. She was just there; a source of unconditional support--and right next door. She was an oasis without even knowing it. Or maybe she did know it. That’s the delicious part to ponder. Yikes.
What you might need to be an oasis for others?
I’ll just offer a series of possibilities for your oasis development! You can choose which ones resonate with you. And add your own…Believe in the idea of oases. Learn to be an intentional oasis for yourself. Tell stories about oases in your own life. Choose mottos you live by and share them with others (my current favorite is “oh well”). Select an image that reminds you of being an oasis (my most precious image is a tree I call the womb tree). Decide how you want to be an oasis and with whom. Then carefully manage your range of activity and energy to best maintain your own health and wellbeing. Keep in close touch with your higher power and turn over all the outcomes to the holy. Be fully present. Listen intently. Ask open ended questions of people who come to you, so you do not become a savior or a fixer, just a sacred or calm presence. Make no judgments but use wise discernment. Write about your experiences. Trust the process of being an oasis. Rejoice in it. See the gift in each encounter. Think of your presence as infused with love so it becomes holy, holy, holy.
Who are you an oasis for now? How?
With whom are you sensing a nudge to be an oasis?
What are the joys and challenges of being an oasis for others?
When being an oasis may not be possible
Now, dear reader, I can hear some of you saying, “I’d like to think about being an oasis, but my life is overwhelmed already, and I hardly have the energy to be an oasis for myself.” Reader, I get it. I hear you. Sometimes, as my story at the beginning of this essay recalls, we just do not have the capacity to be an oasis for others, sometimes not even for ourselves. Our tanks are nearly empty. So, in those times, we can allow others to be oases for us or perhaps we can simply be a small oasis for ourselves. Let’s treat ourselves kindly, in ways that give us calm, love and hope.
During the writing of this story, I would not have been able to be an oasis for others. I had to deal with a difficult situation of an anxious howling dog on the floor where I live. It took all my energy just to be willing to observe and report the unpredictable disruptions in a consistent
Along the way, I’ve asked myself what being an oasis for myself looks like in this scenario. I assuage my own feelings in healthy ways, I walk in nature, I debrief with friends, I continue to write when I can, and I continue to pray for all involved. It has allowed me to see that healing for me in this situation means continuing my writing as my best way to face into my fear and anxiety and not letting the situation stop me. One sure place I’ve found as my oasis throughout all of this is in my true source who, for me, is God. Whatever name you choose, the Holy is always available to soothe our souls.
The Holy as our oasis!!!
I leave you with a soothing poem about God as oasis. It’s from a book called Fragments of Your Ancient Name by Joyce Rupp, naming attributes of God. This one is by Jan Struther.
Lord of All Calm
You bring durability like mountains
And tranquility gentle as a violet.
You are continually available
For us to turn toward, to find peace,
To locate a place to rest our heart
With its endless preoccupations.
When anxiety floods our mind
And disrupts the flow of serenity,
You await our receptivity to you.
So we can receive your stillness.
Today: I locate calmness amid what distracts me.
ÓJanet Hagberg, 2025. Please pass this essay along.