Those Pesky Demons
Demons and their assorted “relatives” have always intrigued me and have likewise always frightened me. I grew up in a religious atmosphere unusually conscious of the war between demonic powers and the power of God. A huge wood carving across the front of our sanctuary had a giant dragon encircling most of the earth! I know there was an image of Jesus somewhere else on the carving, but I don’t remember what it was. All I remember was the dragon. Really scary. So, when the title of this essay arrived in my psyche I said “What?” Being the practical woman I am, I will forego an intellectual discussion about the nature of evil, Satan, demonic possession etc., and focus instead on our own inner and mischievous demons, as Theresa of Avila likes to name them. I’ll tell stories of how these demons show up and survive in us and will offer stories describing how we can harness their energy, maybe even for good. First let me tell you two stories of what havoc these inner demons can wreak on individuals and communities.
Two stories of personal and communal demons
I have a personal writing critic, an inner demon, who sits on my left shoulder whenever I start to write, especially first drafts. His name is Ruud (pronounced RUDE) and he is a crusty, critical, scrawny bearded Swedish bachelor farmer. He finds my most vulnerable places of fear and anxiety and barrages me with critiques. “Who are you to write about this? Who would ever read it? You don’t have enough competence to be credible. You don’t even practice correct grammar.”
I’ve learned about his ways over the years and know that he loves cleaning out and reorganizing my files. When I start writing I tell him that I’ll need his critical eye when it comes time for my final editing, but for now I need him to go work on my files. Off he goes with a bit of gusto, happy to have a job to do. But eventually -–usually before I am ready for his help-- he returns. I’ve found one surefire way to silence him, but I’ll tell you what that is at the end of this essay.
The second story describes what can happen when a tragic event arouses the inner demons of fear, anger and a probable thirst for revenge in an entire community. In the mid-nineties a group of mean-spirited and hostile men called Skin Heads arrived in Billings, Montana and plundered the Jewish cemetery, knocking over gravestones and arousing intense fear. Then when the Skin Heads saw a menorah in a house window, they threw bricks through that window-- into the bedroom of a six-year-old boy. Escalation.
The town leaders including the police chief called for a community gathering and with the chief’s guidance crafted a courageous and community-wide, yet risky response. The call went out for everyone to consider putting a menorah in their window, and to do so immediately. The newspaper ran a whole page image of a menorah to make the effort more feasible. The chief predicted a strong backlash from the hostile group and suggested that the community rally to meet it. The backlash came. Yikes. To hear how the community responded and what has emerged from those actions, you’ll need to read to the end of this essay—or you can fast forward if you really want to know now!
What are our inner demons and how do we identify them?
Let me suggest three common ways that our inner demons show up: voices from within, strong triggering emotions, and harsh memories, usually with tragic images we can’t erase. Of course, these are all connected but they each may appear spontaneously. I’ve just illustrated stories of the first two, inner voices and strong emotions that come up and trigger fearful stories within us that we go over endlessly in our minds.
The third and most insidious demons are those images and memories of abuse, war, tragedy, abandonment which usually cause bodily trauma, and PTSD. These demons have been described by Jacqueline Winspear, a wise novelist, as dragons that in some cases, can only be mollified because they reemerge whenever triggered and can derail us quickly. These are to be handled with much care and hope-filled professional help and are not within the scope of this essay. I will also not deal with severe mental illness, or homicidal or suicidal impulses. I will leave them to experts and divine healers.
But those everyday demons that we all can identify appear in an ancient list of the “seven deadly sins,” wrath, pride, greed, envy, lust, gluttony, sloth, (and I add fear and self-deception to the “deadlies”). We could add more modern renditions like addictions, cynicism, resentment, gossip, anxiety, depression, perfectionism, low self-esteem, and shame. You can name your own favorites now that you get the picture. I recognize several on the list but my most enduring demon has shifted over time, from shame to anxiety. This anxiety, especially in relationships, sets me up for codependence-- to seek love and safety-- neither of which is found in codependency😊. Naming our demons is not a witch hunt but rather a way to become acquainted with them as the first step in embracing and healing them.
Using creativity to name and embrace our demons
I’d like to suggest that the extent to which we know our demons and how they manifest negatively in our lives and then spread to others, will be positively affected by our ability and willingness to know, embrace, and heal them. Then we can also direct their energy for good. Here is a poem I wrote about how my higher power helped me uncover my demons!
These are all just signs
I sat down to talk with God one day / and asked where do I look for you / How do I find you / You already do look for me God said / How is that I asked / You look for me by shopping when you are low / and by taking that extra drink when you are stressed / You work long hours hoping to find your worth / and you eat to fill that empty place within / Your most creative way of looking for me is / expecting someone else to make you happy / These are all just signs you are looking for me / When you know this is true / You will find me.
As the poem suggests, sometimes our demons can help us grow, like when fear alerts us to real danger, or as my therapist wisely noted, “when anger is a sign you are not taking adequate care of yourself.” And to counter our demons on one shoulder, we also have an angel on the other shoulder. That angel knows how to help us wrestle with our demons, so we eventually receive a blessing from the struggle.
My friend, Tracy, wrote a poem to show her way of recognizing her demons then embracing the angel’s wrestling process to harness them for good. She uses what she calls a “strident refusal” or a “resolute act of resistance” to counter their strong messages.
Scripts of Demons, Scripts of the Divine
Thank You for the alarming moment when I suddenly
tuned in to hear the tape, both strange and yet familiar,
that I soon realized had been playing on repeat in my mind for years.
I’m all alone.
No one is listening.
It’s all up to me.
I’m overwhelmed.
That descent into depths unknown
searching for understanding, assessing damage,
praying for healing was altogether terrifying and excruciating.
That descent also became a most holy path toward my ascent
to light, to clarity, to hope, to Your invitation to rewrite this script
to discover freedom in these new lifegiving lines--
I am forever held in God’s loving embrace.
I listen to myself and intentionally cultivate a circle of others who care to hear me.
I am free to choose my part, what I contribute.
I am clear, centered, safe.
ÓTracy Mooty, all rights reserved
What are your most common demons?
How do they manifest in your relationship with others?
How have they helped or detracted from your life?
When have you encountered the angel on your shoulder to help you wrestle?
What are some other ways people have embraced their demons?
*Dreams: A good friend of mine takes all her dreams, especially during really hard times, to her dream coach, who helps her glean the more subconscious dream messages. This gives her insights to her hidden inner world and provides her with options for next steps.
*Exercise: Several people I know use exercise to help their bodies release or embrace their inner demons. Running, walking, swimming, golfing, pickle ball, yoga, dancing. One friend walks while reciting special poems she has memorized that speak deeply to her and calm her psyche. The sheer experience of moving or stretching helps our bodies work things out. A wise psychiatrist, Henry Emmons, writes in The Chemistry of Joy, that walking regularly is as effective and sometimes more effective than medication in alleviating certain kinds of depression. Exercising our demons improves our mental health!
*Art: Many artists draw--in exquisite detail--the images that represent their emotions, whatever they may be. In the choice of subject and the detailing process, somehow the artist can use a creative inner voice to convey a message or story that artistically describes these feelings. The act of drawing itself can be healing at some mysterious level. At intense times in my life, I’ve used images of Kali, the goddess of death and fertility, and the Black Madonna to express my inner angst. This is reclaimed energy creating art—for good!
*Gentle Embrace: At times when my anxiety demon gets particularly active, I take it into my lap as I would a small child. I just cuddle it and rock it back and forth for quite some time. Then I ask it what it is concerned about and once I hear the answer, I speak in a gentle way to my anxiety, letting it know I’m there for it. I offer the issues my anxiety has named to the Holy who knows more than I do about assuaging them.
*Visual reminder: Another way to remember what we can do to face into our demons is to have a visual reminder, like something we can hold or wear or look at. One woman I know has stones from various sacred places in the world that she holds in her hands when she needs strength. Others wear certain clothes that give them courage or strength. Some grasp a cross or gaze at a photo. I have a necklace with a special memory of a time when I was particularly courageous. It reminds me that I am still courageous.
*Reaching out: Doing something for someone else, volunteering, being present to a neighbor are all proven ways of repurposing those inner demons. The sheer activity of being of service for something beyond us is food for our souls—and for others’ as well.
What is a surprising source of inner demons, and difficult to recognize?
At times our strongest characteristics, our gifts, our most successful ways of doing good work or being useful in the world can morph into inner and irritating demons. Usually when this happens, we are shocked and confused, that something that worked all those years no longer brings what we want—or even turns back on us in threatening ways. Maybe we were the boss who always had the answers and the control. Now, though, the questions are so complex it takes a team to tackle them, but we haven’t learned how to share power so instead we push harder. Perhaps we are a natural nurturer who has gotten so burned out and weary from all the responsibilities we have for so many, that we inadvertently turn on the very people we are there to serve. Or we may be a creative type who for some reason has succumbed to using creative energy and skill to shame or ridicule or manipulate others. Or we could be a powerful mothering figure who has reverted to “smothering” adult children so they will feel responsible to become caretakers.
This personal gift that has turned sour can happen to any of us. And it usually happens about halfway through life. Jung would call this now tainted gift our shadow; our main coping strategy has become a weakness. But at some point, our shadow behavior gets worn out and it needs to be embraced and released so that it can morph into an even better gift that is more appropriate for our level of development. The bossy boss can become a facilitator. The over-nurturer can become a team member. The creative person can make gifts of joy. The mothering figure can become a wisdom figure in a larger community.
What might be your gift that has gone a bit sour?
How can it morph into something more meaningful for you and others?
If you have done this morphing, how would you describe the new life to others?
More stories of how people embrace and manage their inner demons
*Physical release: One of my young friends who has endured mean-spirited attacks from a former relationship finds that throwing empty beer bottles into a safe tunnel-like structure to shatter them offers a great deal of anger release in a safe way. Tossing plates against a garage wall works well too! My friend found a local establishment just a few blocks from her home made for the purpose of bottle shattering. She says the relief in her body is palpable.
*Woods, water, mountains: Delving deep into nature and nesting there if only for a pause, allows nature to heal and bless us. Any time you can absorb nature or lay your burdens down in a calm place it nurtures your soul. I have inner-city woods near me where I take my burdens weekly and offer them to an old, very old, felled tree that is the nesting place for critters, mosses, and old wounds needing release.
*Music: Music of any kind that you love can transport you to another place, a calm reserve, especially if it comes from an empathetic voice and has a welcome lyric. Lyrics often come spontaneously when you need them most. These lyrics are gifts to the whole world. Think of a few; “RESPECT,” “How do you mend a broken heart?” “There will be an answer, let it be,” “Silent Night,” “It’s a wonderful world.” A song or a genre may become a companion to guide us to the next step in our journey. In hard times I turn to the Blues. They know!
*Guided visualizations: One profound visualization is used regularly by Gary and Colleen Weaver with last-chance adolescent boys. It is deeply transforming. Here it is: Sit down. Close your eyes. Set a table before you. Invite anyone to your table, living or deceased, who has your best interest in mind. With all your guests there, ask them if they love you. Now invite your higher self, that part of you that is greater than anything you’ve done or not done, anything you have or don’t have. Ask your higher self if you love you. Now invite your higher power to your table, whoever or whatever it is for you. Ask if your higher power loves you. And then, with those people sitting there, ask; “What do I need to know right now? What do you need to tell me?” This inner council is always there to be present and to love you.
*Prayers: Many prayers are effective in embracing and mending and healing our inner demons. I use two each day. One is to visually wrap eternal love around anyone I need to embrace with love that day. And the other is for me! A very special prayer. I received it in a timely way from Flora Wuellner in her book, Miracle. She says it never fails to amaze her how effective this prayer is. “God, take out of my body and especially out of my heart, the power of anxiety, fear and anger. Take them into your heart and use them for good.” Try it.
*Bedtime rituals: Often my demons get most restless and powerful when I quiet down to rest and sleep, or early in the morning when I’m more vulnerable or there is less to distract me. Just a few bedtime rituals that work for me: going to bed at about the same time each night, quieting down forty-five minutes before I go to bed, no social media or action movies, but reading or recalling the day. Then when I go to bed, I use gentle ear plugs (I live in an active siren zone), take eight slow deep breaths with long exhales, do a body tapping routine to name my basic value, and then to calm my whole body, and I repeat two calming prayers. If I awaken in the night, I ask what is bothering me, ask God to give me insights, and do my sleep ritual again. This assures me that I am in God’s care and that my body knows that too. It still may take time to go back to sleep, but I know who’s got my back.
What are the rituals or practices that work best for you to calm yourself and your inner demons?
Which ones do you count on most when you need a deep release?
Who is in your Inner Council to help you remember you are loved and seen?
How do we go deeper to get to the root of our demons and their control over us?
I’ve discussed this idea of going deeper in many of my essays, so I won’t go into it in detail here. Suffice it to say that if you are ready and willing to embrace and help heal your demons, then therapy, trauma work, grief work, recovery groups, body work, spiritual direction, spiritual sharing communities, and honest conversations all help. I’ve written about a deep healing process at the Wall, that place of spiritual and psychological healing in the book The Critical Journey (co-authored with the late Bob Guelich). The four phases of that deep healing are awareness, forgiveness, acceptance, and love. A few of my essays which address the deep healing process are “How do you mend a broken heart?” “You are enough,” and “The Inner life of a leader.” They are all available on my web site, www.Janethagberg.com
We can also go deeper in our healing work by developing a more loving and intimate relationship with the Holy, Higher Power or God. We can be guided daily in our healing process by the One who knows and loves us best. This invites us to a more radical trust that will change us internally. None of these practices are required to be loved by the Holy, but they go a long way towards loving ourselves and learning how to love and respect others.
And one other thing: Core spiritual practices. This demon healing work assumes what I call eternal vigilance, that is daily practices to maintain our inner balance, to have more peace of mind, to find our inner calm and to practice wise discernment. With this inner balance we can be more fully present in the world, as well as being lovingly detached from things or people or events that threaten to topple us. My favorite practices are listening for God and journaling. And I have a physical way of reminding myself of my promises to myself, to stay loving and self-caring. I have two rings I wear all the time that have special significance, and when I notice them, I remember my promises.
What are the ways you may consider, to go deeper, to heal, to find more peace and calm within?
If you have taken this path to go deeper, how are you finding it to be useful?
What is your core spiritual practice? Or your physical reminder to yourself?
A mysterious suggestion to consider
On a mysterious level, as those of you who read my essays know I’m prone to, I’d like to suggest that our inner demons are at their core, inviting us to consider a deeper and more transforming experience of the Holy as Tracy’s and my poem illustrated. If we take these invitations seriously and invite the Holy to accompany us, we can enter a process, difficult as it may seem, to transform our demons into gifts. That’s where the angel on our other shoulder comes in, showing us the way. A topic to further explore in another essay!
Consider this mysterious invitation—or not!.
Now to the endings of the two stories that introduced this essay.
My story: When Ruud returns after cleaning my files, he is usually ready to launch another critique. But I’ve learned by trial and error what finally quiets Rudd. He hates fresh air!! No matter what urgency I feel to keep writing, I go for a walk instead and ponder what the next part of my writing will be. It always works! Ruud was upset with this essay because of being exposed but I reminded him that over the forty plus years I’ve been writing we’ve worked out our relationship quite well. He begrudgingly agreed. Yet I also took the usual walk, drank Lady Grey tea, and enjoyed dark chocolate as part of my writing process.
The Billings story: Just as the police chief predicted, the skin heads retaliated by going to an African American church and intimidating the pastor and parishioners. When the community heard this, people of many different faiths started attending the church in solidarity with the parishioners. Then the skin heads moved on to another vulnerable target. They spray painted vile words and images on the outside walls of a Native American family home. As a response, the union painters in Billings painted the whole house in a short time, accompanied by about a hundred well-wishers watching and cheering them on. By Christmas about 10,000 households and businesses had placed menorahs in their windows. The Skin Heads left Billings.
Now there is an organization and a movement that encourages other cities and towns to act collectively in response to hate crimes. The name of it is Not In Our Town-- NIOT. They collect and spread stories of other towns who have acted as a community in overcoming hate and violence. Google them for a five-minute You Tube summary of the incredible Billings story.
What is your courageous story of facing your own inner critic?
What other stories have you heard where collective responses prevented increasingly dangerous situations?
Would you have put a menorah in your window? Why or why not?
If you want to have an interesting discussion and a deeper experience of demons in action try this: invite a group of people to experience the Billings story more personally. Write the names or roles of all the major characters separately on small sheets of paper and pass them out without allowing people to choose their parts. Show the five-minute story cited above, asking people to feel what their reactions are to the story from the perspective of the part they received. Then discuss what that experience was like for each person.
©Janet Hagberg, 2025. Please pass this essay along
Two stories of personal and communal demons
I have a personal writing critic, an inner demon, who sits on my left shoulder whenever I start to write, especially first drafts. His name is Ruud (pronounced RUDE) and he is a crusty, critical, scrawny bearded Swedish bachelor farmer. He finds my most vulnerable places of fear and anxiety and barrages me with critiques. “Who are you to write about this? Who would ever read it? You don’t have enough competence to be credible. You don’t even practice correct grammar.”
I’ve learned about his ways over the years and know that he loves cleaning out and reorganizing my files. When I start writing I tell him that I’ll need his critical eye when it comes time for my final editing, but for now I need him to go work on my files. Off he goes with a bit of gusto, happy to have a job to do. But eventually -–usually before I am ready for his help-- he returns. I’ve found one surefire way to silence him, but I’ll tell you what that is at the end of this essay.
The second story describes what can happen when a tragic event arouses the inner demons of fear, anger and a probable thirst for revenge in an entire community. In the mid-nineties a group of mean-spirited and hostile men called Skin Heads arrived in Billings, Montana and plundered the Jewish cemetery, knocking over gravestones and arousing intense fear. Then when the Skin Heads saw a menorah in a house window, they threw bricks through that window-- into the bedroom of a six-year-old boy. Escalation.
The town leaders including the police chief called for a community gathering and with the chief’s guidance crafted a courageous and community-wide, yet risky response. The call went out for everyone to consider putting a menorah in their window, and to do so immediately. The newspaper ran a whole page image of a menorah to make the effort more feasible. The chief predicted a strong backlash from the hostile group and suggested that the community rally to meet it. The backlash came. Yikes. To hear how the community responded and what has emerged from those actions, you’ll need to read to the end of this essay—or you can fast forward if you really want to know now!
What are our inner demons and how do we identify them?
Let me suggest three common ways that our inner demons show up: voices from within, strong triggering emotions, and harsh memories, usually with tragic images we can’t erase. Of course, these are all connected but they each may appear spontaneously. I’ve just illustrated stories of the first two, inner voices and strong emotions that come up and trigger fearful stories within us that we go over endlessly in our minds.
The third and most insidious demons are those images and memories of abuse, war, tragedy, abandonment which usually cause bodily trauma, and PTSD. These demons have been described by Jacqueline Winspear, a wise novelist, as dragons that in some cases, can only be mollified because they reemerge whenever triggered and can derail us quickly. These are to be handled with much care and hope-filled professional help and are not within the scope of this essay. I will also not deal with severe mental illness, or homicidal or suicidal impulses. I will leave them to experts and divine healers.
But those everyday demons that we all can identify appear in an ancient list of the “seven deadly sins,” wrath, pride, greed, envy, lust, gluttony, sloth, (and I add fear and self-deception to the “deadlies”). We could add more modern renditions like addictions, cynicism, resentment, gossip, anxiety, depression, perfectionism, low self-esteem, and shame. You can name your own favorites now that you get the picture. I recognize several on the list but my most enduring demon has shifted over time, from shame to anxiety. This anxiety, especially in relationships, sets me up for codependence-- to seek love and safety-- neither of which is found in codependency😊. Naming our demons is not a witch hunt but rather a way to become acquainted with them as the first step in embracing and healing them.
Using creativity to name and embrace our demons
I’d like to suggest that the extent to which we know our demons and how they manifest negatively in our lives and then spread to others, will be positively affected by our ability and willingness to know, embrace, and heal them. Then we can also direct their energy for good. Here is a poem I wrote about how my higher power helped me uncover my demons!
These are all just signs
I sat down to talk with God one day / and asked where do I look for you / How do I find you / You already do look for me God said / How is that I asked / You look for me by shopping when you are low / and by taking that extra drink when you are stressed / You work long hours hoping to find your worth / and you eat to fill that empty place within / Your most creative way of looking for me is / expecting someone else to make you happy / These are all just signs you are looking for me / When you know this is true / You will find me.
As the poem suggests, sometimes our demons can help us grow, like when fear alerts us to real danger, or as my therapist wisely noted, “when anger is a sign you are not taking adequate care of yourself.” And to counter our demons on one shoulder, we also have an angel on the other shoulder. That angel knows how to help us wrestle with our demons, so we eventually receive a blessing from the struggle.
My friend, Tracy, wrote a poem to show her way of recognizing her demons then embracing the angel’s wrestling process to harness them for good. She uses what she calls a “strident refusal” or a “resolute act of resistance” to counter their strong messages.
Scripts of Demons, Scripts of the Divine
Thank You for the alarming moment when I suddenly
tuned in to hear the tape, both strange and yet familiar,
that I soon realized had been playing on repeat in my mind for years.
I’m all alone.
No one is listening.
It’s all up to me.
I’m overwhelmed.
That descent into depths unknown
searching for understanding, assessing damage,
praying for healing was altogether terrifying and excruciating.
That descent also became a most holy path toward my ascent
to light, to clarity, to hope, to Your invitation to rewrite this script
to discover freedom in these new lifegiving lines--
I am forever held in God’s loving embrace.
I listen to myself and intentionally cultivate a circle of others who care to hear me.
I am free to choose my part, what I contribute.
I am clear, centered, safe.
ÓTracy Mooty, all rights reserved
What are your most common demons?
How do they manifest in your relationship with others?
How have they helped or detracted from your life?
When have you encountered the angel on your shoulder to help you wrestle?
What are some other ways people have embraced their demons?
*Dreams: A good friend of mine takes all her dreams, especially during really hard times, to her dream coach, who helps her glean the more subconscious dream messages. This gives her insights to her hidden inner world and provides her with options for next steps.
*Exercise: Several people I know use exercise to help their bodies release or embrace their inner demons. Running, walking, swimming, golfing, pickle ball, yoga, dancing. One friend walks while reciting special poems she has memorized that speak deeply to her and calm her psyche. The sheer experience of moving or stretching helps our bodies work things out. A wise psychiatrist, Henry Emmons, writes in The Chemistry of Joy, that walking regularly is as effective and sometimes more effective than medication in alleviating certain kinds of depression. Exercising our demons improves our mental health!
*Art: Many artists draw--in exquisite detail--the images that represent their emotions, whatever they may be. In the choice of subject and the detailing process, somehow the artist can use a creative inner voice to convey a message or story that artistically describes these feelings. The act of drawing itself can be healing at some mysterious level. At intense times in my life, I’ve used images of Kali, the goddess of death and fertility, and the Black Madonna to express my inner angst. This is reclaimed energy creating art—for good!
*Gentle Embrace: At times when my anxiety demon gets particularly active, I take it into my lap as I would a small child. I just cuddle it and rock it back and forth for quite some time. Then I ask it what it is concerned about and once I hear the answer, I speak in a gentle way to my anxiety, letting it know I’m there for it. I offer the issues my anxiety has named to the Holy who knows more than I do about assuaging them.
*Visual reminder: Another way to remember what we can do to face into our demons is to have a visual reminder, like something we can hold or wear or look at. One woman I know has stones from various sacred places in the world that she holds in her hands when she needs strength. Others wear certain clothes that give them courage or strength. Some grasp a cross or gaze at a photo. I have a necklace with a special memory of a time when I was particularly courageous. It reminds me that I am still courageous.
*Reaching out: Doing something for someone else, volunteering, being present to a neighbor are all proven ways of repurposing those inner demons. The sheer activity of being of service for something beyond us is food for our souls—and for others’ as well.
What is a surprising source of inner demons, and difficult to recognize?
At times our strongest characteristics, our gifts, our most successful ways of doing good work or being useful in the world can morph into inner and irritating demons. Usually when this happens, we are shocked and confused, that something that worked all those years no longer brings what we want—or even turns back on us in threatening ways. Maybe we were the boss who always had the answers and the control. Now, though, the questions are so complex it takes a team to tackle them, but we haven’t learned how to share power so instead we push harder. Perhaps we are a natural nurturer who has gotten so burned out and weary from all the responsibilities we have for so many, that we inadvertently turn on the very people we are there to serve. Or we may be a creative type who for some reason has succumbed to using creative energy and skill to shame or ridicule or manipulate others. Or we could be a powerful mothering figure who has reverted to “smothering” adult children so they will feel responsible to become caretakers.
This personal gift that has turned sour can happen to any of us. And it usually happens about halfway through life. Jung would call this now tainted gift our shadow; our main coping strategy has become a weakness. But at some point, our shadow behavior gets worn out and it needs to be embraced and released so that it can morph into an even better gift that is more appropriate for our level of development. The bossy boss can become a facilitator. The over-nurturer can become a team member. The creative person can make gifts of joy. The mothering figure can become a wisdom figure in a larger community.
What might be your gift that has gone a bit sour?
How can it morph into something more meaningful for you and others?
If you have done this morphing, how would you describe the new life to others?
More stories of how people embrace and manage their inner demons
*Physical release: One of my young friends who has endured mean-spirited attacks from a former relationship finds that throwing empty beer bottles into a safe tunnel-like structure to shatter them offers a great deal of anger release in a safe way. Tossing plates against a garage wall works well too! My friend found a local establishment just a few blocks from her home made for the purpose of bottle shattering. She says the relief in her body is palpable.
*Woods, water, mountains: Delving deep into nature and nesting there if only for a pause, allows nature to heal and bless us. Any time you can absorb nature or lay your burdens down in a calm place it nurtures your soul. I have inner-city woods near me where I take my burdens weekly and offer them to an old, very old, felled tree that is the nesting place for critters, mosses, and old wounds needing release.
*Music: Music of any kind that you love can transport you to another place, a calm reserve, especially if it comes from an empathetic voice and has a welcome lyric. Lyrics often come spontaneously when you need them most. These lyrics are gifts to the whole world. Think of a few; “RESPECT,” “How do you mend a broken heart?” “There will be an answer, let it be,” “Silent Night,” “It’s a wonderful world.” A song or a genre may become a companion to guide us to the next step in our journey. In hard times I turn to the Blues. They know!
*Guided visualizations: One profound visualization is used regularly by Gary and Colleen Weaver with last-chance adolescent boys. It is deeply transforming. Here it is: Sit down. Close your eyes. Set a table before you. Invite anyone to your table, living or deceased, who has your best interest in mind. With all your guests there, ask them if they love you. Now invite your higher self, that part of you that is greater than anything you’ve done or not done, anything you have or don’t have. Ask your higher self if you love you. Now invite your higher power to your table, whoever or whatever it is for you. Ask if your higher power loves you. And then, with those people sitting there, ask; “What do I need to know right now? What do you need to tell me?” This inner council is always there to be present and to love you.
*Prayers: Many prayers are effective in embracing and mending and healing our inner demons. I use two each day. One is to visually wrap eternal love around anyone I need to embrace with love that day. And the other is for me! A very special prayer. I received it in a timely way from Flora Wuellner in her book, Miracle. She says it never fails to amaze her how effective this prayer is. “God, take out of my body and especially out of my heart, the power of anxiety, fear and anger. Take them into your heart and use them for good.” Try it.
*Bedtime rituals: Often my demons get most restless and powerful when I quiet down to rest and sleep, or early in the morning when I’m more vulnerable or there is less to distract me. Just a few bedtime rituals that work for me: going to bed at about the same time each night, quieting down forty-five minutes before I go to bed, no social media or action movies, but reading or recalling the day. Then when I go to bed, I use gentle ear plugs (I live in an active siren zone), take eight slow deep breaths with long exhales, do a body tapping routine to name my basic value, and then to calm my whole body, and I repeat two calming prayers. If I awaken in the night, I ask what is bothering me, ask God to give me insights, and do my sleep ritual again. This assures me that I am in God’s care and that my body knows that too. It still may take time to go back to sleep, but I know who’s got my back.
What are the rituals or practices that work best for you to calm yourself and your inner demons?
Which ones do you count on most when you need a deep release?
Who is in your Inner Council to help you remember you are loved and seen?
How do we go deeper to get to the root of our demons and their control over us?
I’ve discussed this idea of going deeper in many of my essays, so I won’t go into it in detail here. Suffice it to say that if you are ready and willing to embrace and help heal your demons, then therapy, trauma work, grief work, recovery groups, body work, spiritual direction, spiritual sharing communities, and honest conversations all help. I’ve written about a deep healing process at the Wall, that place of spiritual and psychological healing in the book The Critical Journey (co-authored with the late Bob Guelich). The four phases of that deep healing are awareness, forgiveness, acceptance, and love. A few of my essays which address the deep healing process are “How do you mend a broken heart?” “You are enough,” and “The Inner life of a leader.” They are all available on my web site, www.Janethagberg.com
We can also go deeper in our healing work by developing a more loving and intimate relationship with the Holy, Higher Power or God. We can be guided daily in our healing process by the One who knows and loves us best. This invites us to a more radical trust that will change us internally. None of these practices are required to be loved by the Holy, but they go a long way towards loving ourselves and learning how to love and respect others.
And one other thing: Core spiritual practices. This demon healing work assumes what I call eternal vigilance, that is daily practices to maintain our inner balance, to have more peace of mind, to find our inner calm and to practice wise discernment. With this inner balance we can be more fully present in the world, as well as being lovingly detached from things or people or events that threaten to topple us. My favorite practices are listening for God and journaling. And I have a physical way of reminding myself of my promises to myself, to stay loving and self-caring. I have two rings I wear all the time that have special significance, and when I notice them, I remember my promises.
What are the ways you may consider, to go deeper, to heal, to find more peace and calm within?
If you have taken this path to go deeper, how are you finding it to be useful?
What is your core spiritual practice? Or your physical reminder to yourself?
A mysterious suggestion to consider
On a mysterious level, as those of you who read my essays know I’m prone to, I’d like to suggest that our inner demons are at their core, inviting us to consider a deeper and more transforming experience of the Holy as Tracy’s and my poem illustrated. If we take these invitations seriously and invite the Holy to accompany us, we can enter a process, difficult as it may seem, to transform our demons into gifts. That’s where the angel on our other shoulder comes in, showing us the way. A topic to further explore in another essay!
Consider this mysterious invitation—or not!.
Now to the endings of the two stories that introduced this essay.
My story: When Ruud returns after cleaning my files, he is usually ready to launch another critique. But I’ve learned by trial and error what finally quiets Rudd. He hates fresh air!! No matter what urgency I feel to keep writing, I go for a walk instead and ponder what the next part of my writing will be. It always works! Ruud was upset with this essay because of being exposed but I reminded him that over the forty plus years I’ve been writing we’ve worked out our relationship quite well. He begrudgingly agreed. Yet I also took the usual walk, drank Lady Grey tea, and enjoyed dark chocolate as part of my writing process.
The Billings story: Just as the police chief predicted, the skin heads retaliated by going to an African American church and intimidating the pastor and parishioners. When the community heard this, people of many different faiths started attending the church in solidarity with the parishioners. Then the skin heads moved on to another vulnerable target. They spray painted vile words and images on the outside walls of a Native American family home. As a response, the union painters in Billings painted the whole house in a short time, accompanied by about a hundred well-wishers watching and cheering them on. By Christmas about 10,000 households and businesses had placed menorahs in their windows. The Skin Heads left Billings.
Now there is an organization and a movement that encourages other cities and towns to act collectively in response to hate crimes. The name of it is Not In Our Town-- NIOT. They collect and spread stories of other towns who have acted as a community in overcoming hate and violence. Google them for a five-minute You Tube summary of the incredible Billings story.
What is your courageous story of facing your own inner critic?
What other stories have you heard where collective responses prevented increasingly dangerous situations?
Would you have put a menorah in your window? Why or why not?
If you want to have an interesting discussion and a deeper experience of demons in action try this: invite a group of people to experience the Billings story more personally. Write the names or roles of all the major characters separately on small sheets of paper and pass them out without allowing people to choose their parts. Show the five-minute story cited above, asking people to feel what their reactions are to the story from the perspective of the part they received. Then discuss what that experience was like for each person.
©Janet Hagberg, 2025. Please pass this essay along