Estrangement/Reconciliation
Estrangement means essentially the breaking of a relationship, whether that be with a family member, a friend, a church, an organization or with ourselves. Everyone experiences estrangements and yet there is usually a lot of shame attached to these broken relationships. So much so, that hardly anyone talks about family estrangements in public. This healing section of the web site is focused on estrangement and reconciliation because there are so few places to process this experience.
Reconciliation means a spiritual mending of the heart. It can occur just within yourself or can happen with the other person or the organization. And it may be a partial or a full reconciliation. Sometimes it is unwise to even try for reconciliation with the other person but there can still be mending and healing. The best reconciliation begins with a recognition of where God is in the midst of the process. That makes all the difference.
Here is a poem I wrote to depict the process of healing from estrangement for me. I hope it speaks to you as well.
I Long to Be Free
I long to be free loving Lord
My hurt and anger cling
Can I own-forgive-release
I claim the comfort of pain
My hurt and anger cling
My heart cries out to you
I claim the comfort of pain
I let you heal my soul
My heart cries out to you
Can I own-forgive-release
I let you heal my soul
I long to be free loving Lord
The two models below depict the difference in the process of reconciliation when you start with your feelings of hurt and anger or when you start the healing process with God. In sum, the estrangement model starts on the outside with our feelings, then actions, then results, and lastly God. Usually in this model we do not have good results because we get caught up in our feelings and resentments or punishment, wanting to be vindicated or justified in our actions.
In the second model, the reconciliation model, we start on the inside circle, which is a large circle with God at the center. We start there because that is where healing and mending need to occur first. Once we have done our work on ourselves with God, we can move to whatever results we can realistically expect, then move to what actions and feelings will accompany our intentions. It is such a simple change in perspective but it is powerful.
Please feel free to use this healing model in your life and work. If you pass it along or if you choose to use it in teaching or writing, please credit Tamra Koehler and Janet Hagberg as the model builders. Thanks for your cooperation.
I have outlined this process in an essay and a worksheet for reconciliation, called the God Circle. Follow this link to read the two items if you have a desire to work through the process for your own reconciliation. I also include a video overview of the model by Tamra and Janet, called Estrangement and Reconciliation.
Follow this link to my play list and scroll to the estrangement model.
Link to essay on process of healing and worksheet on the God Circle
Reconciliation means a spiritual mending of the heart. It can occur just within yourself or can happen with the other person or the organization. And it may be a partial or a full reconciliation. Sometimes it is unwise to even try for reconciliation with the other person but there can still be mending and healing. The best reconciliation begins with a recognition of where God is in the midst of the process. That makes all the difference.
Here is a poem I wrote to depict the process of healing from estrangement for me. I hope it speaks to you as well.
I Long to Be Free
I long to be free loving Lord
My hurt and anger cling
Can I own-forgive-release
I claim the comfort of pain
My hurt and anger cling
My heart cries out to you
I claim the comfort of pain
I let you heal my soul
My heart cries out to you
Can I own-forgive-release
I let you heal my soul
I long to be free loving Lord
The two models below depict the difference in the process of reconciliation when you start with your feelings of hurt and anger or when you start the healing process with God. In sum, the estrangement model starts on the outside with our feelings, then actions, then results, and lastly God. Usually in this model we do not have good results because we get caught up in our feelings and resentments or punishment, wanting to be vindicated or justified in our actions.
In the second model, the reconciliation model, we start on the inside circle, which is a large circle with God at the center. We start there because that is where healing and mending need to occur first. Once we have done our work on ourselves with God, we can move to whatever results we can realistically expect, then move to what actions and feelings will accompany our intentions. It is such a simple change in perspective but it is powerful.
Please feel free to use this healing model in your life and work. If you pass it along or if you choose to use it in teaching or writing, please credit Tamra Koehler and Janet Hagberg as the model builders. Thanks for your cooperation.
I have outlined this process in an essay and a worksheet for reconciliation, called the God Circle. Follow this link to read the two items if you have a desire to work through the process for your own reconciliation. I also include a video overview of the model by Tamra and Janet, called Estrangement and Reconciliation.
Follow this link to my play list and scroll to the estrangement model.
Link to essay on process of healing and worksheet on the God Circle
