From Victim to Wisdom Figure
From Victim to Wisdom Figure: Steps in the Path of Healing
A journey of healing from powerlesness, by Janet Hagberg
The steps in healing from trauma can be viewed in a number of ways. I offer this journey of healing stages based on my book on power called Real Power. My hope is that in reading this you may find strength for the next steps in the journey and come to a full recognition of your calling as a healer in the world.
VICTIMS: Feeling Powerless
This feeling of powerlessness might occur each time you recognize that you are a victim; a victim of illness, abuse, death, job loss, divorce, a flood, a raging son or daughter. Whatever the reason, you may feel you are a victim, powerless to do anything about your fate. This usually elicits sadness, shock, anger, and a strong urge to fight, to get back at someone or to just collapse and give up. The issues look immense and the situation looks hopeless.
Action at this stage might mean starting to find others who are in similar situations or people who can understand your situation and offer support or encouragement. You find it takes a lot of effort simply to reach out to people and some days you want to just quit. But somehow you find that extra energy one day and a little fire starts up within you. You find someone or an organization that understands and you do not feel so alone. You're made that first step and you are relieved. You are tired from the struggle and need some renewal and support.
Stuckness at this stage:
If your activities are fueled by fear, anger or revenge on others, there is a danger of getting mired down, thus sabotaging your own goals. The biggest danger at this stage is sinking down into martyrdom and becoming over identified with your victimization, perhaps even seeing it as a badge of honor.
Ways to move forward:
Find people who can help you deal with your fear or anger and get support so you are not working in isolation. Become part of a community with individuals and groups who are supportive of new growth and learning. Focus on what you can do, not on what you can’t do.
SURVIVORS: Finding Strength in Numbers
This stage represents the learning or apprenticeship stage, when you associate with a larger network of people involved with issues you are facing yourself. As you face your fears and your pain you find that there is a process for healing and you don’t feel so isolated. You feel like you belong, as you go to meetings or classes, get to know various approaches to your issues, illness, abuse, family drama, job loss, grieving etc. You read about the topic, become involved with others and get ideas and support from a larger community.
This is a time to build your personal stamina, setting preliminary goals and seeking ways to achieve them, like forgiving yourself or others. At this stage you start doing the hard work of healing from the issue you face. You may even find ways to bring the issues that you are facing to the larger community to get support and encouragement. Once you have seen how your internal power increases as you face into your pain through the help of others, and you experience the emotional growth that happens in this process, you start to feel like your work is well worth it and your heart is touched. No more a victim.
Stuckness at this stage:
This is the stage at which you find that other people may have different philosophies or approaches to your issue or that they are not as interested as you are in the process of development or healing. If you succumb to blaming or shaming yourself or others, you will get stuck at this stage.
Ways to move forward:
Take risks and keep learning. Let go of having to have everyone agree with you or support your path and allow yourself to be open to new challenges. Stick to the healthy things that work for you and continue your own development. Stay out of arguments. Listen, be respectful and form your own plan of action.
VICTORS: Achieving the Goals of Healing
This stage represents success and achievement in your own development and in the issue you are engaged with in your life. You may even take a more significant role in your community like give a talk about your own development or help support another person with the issues in their life (be a sponsor or mentor). Whatever you chose to do, you feel elated by the results. You are knowledgeable about the issues, others are responsive to your approach, and people support your efforts.
You have become a victorious person in your own right. You are no longer as vulnerable to whatever your issue was, whether that means you do not identify with your illness as much, you are able to hold your decisions lightly, you are not manipulated by your addicted family members, you are out of an abusive relationship, you are no longer feeling trapped. You may even be a leader in the community that you have joined to address your issues. You have plans for your involvement in the future and see a way to get to the next goals. You can set goals confidently now because you have more of a track record for achieving them. And you are more involved with other people, excited to be part of the larger network, energized by the other people involved. You are hopeful and you carry hope for others.
Recognition and resources come easier now because you are in a legitimate community and you have grown personally. You feel you have a voice and that the community listens to you. This makes you feel more excited and more personally powerful than ever before.
Stuckness at this stage:
It is easy to get into competition with others at this point because of your success. When people spend time either intimidating or watch dogging others instead of moving forward, they get stuck. If you are stuck at this stage due to conflict with others, use these guidelines for conflict; listen, treat everyone with respect, negotiate when possible, do not violate your basic principles, never take revenge.
Ways to move forward:
There is a major transition to the next stage because you move from meeting goals to a deeper level of inner strength, meaning that healing power now comes from a deeper place inside of you rather than from your community or your success. You need to take time to reflect, heal and learn to carry hope at a deeper level within yourself.
HEALERS: Helping Others do their Work
This stage represents moving more deeply inward and asking yourself some important questions; Why are you doing what you are doing? Are you making a meaningful difference in helping others heal? Are you changing personally from the experience? What is the larger vision? You struggle with these questions and come to see that you are involved with the issue you started with but in a much different way, both for yourself, as a way to find meaning or healing but also for others, as a leader and healer.
Your inner work on your issue becomes more than a project or a job. The more deeply you become involved with it in this deeper way, of being a healing resource to others, the more changes you begin to see in your own life. You become collaborative and share ideas freely with others. You are more secure in the idea that healing is the way to prevail over fear and anxiety. Your own fear and anger heal. You model more consistently the behavior you are advocating-- respect, courage, serenity and concern for others.
You move to a larger vision for your life that includes more specific work in areas that are close to your heart. You become a steady source, a grounded person who is trustworthy, both for yourself and for others. As a result you see that your participation actually changes things, people, families, organizations. It gives you a deep belief in change and you carry hope for the work you are doing. You now see yourself as a leader as well as a healer or peacemaker.
Stuckness at this stage:
If, after seeing the results and the changes firsthand, you do not have the confidence that people can truly heal and have interior freedom, you will get stuck.
Ways to move forward:
At this stage you might find yourself thinking differently about the issues that got you involved in the first place and you may find yourself out of the main stream. Just keep moving ahead on your healing projects, in gentle and persistent ways. You will need to let yourself be spiritually connected to this work and therefore free to heal others and teach them to be healers.
MASTER HEALERS and WISDOM FIGURES: Teaching Other Healers
You find yourself as a master healer, meaning a teacher of other healers who are working on the issues that you have learned from in your own life. You pass along the healing vision and encourage others to get more deeply involved with healing experiences that make a real difference.
Even though you work hard on teaching and inspiring, your real work is to live out the larger vision of healing on a daily basis. You see yourself not just as a leader and healer, but as a recruiter of others who want to be healers.
You have a deep spiritual connection to your healing work, for it is your passion, your calling, your life purpose. You are more engaged with your work but you do not burn out because you are fueled by a deeper spiritual source and you know your limits. You are courageous and generous. You can bring understanding and compassion to your work no matter what the circumstances, even with people who disagree with you.
The major difference between master healers and wisdom figures is the depth of their passion and their ability to integrate their role of teacher, healer and wisdom figure more fully into their lives.
Stuckness at this stage:
Your motives might be questioned because you are not interested in money or recognition. Stuckness will come from letting your life be deterred or deflected into side conflicts or other causes.
Ways to move forward:
Stick closely to your spiritual grounding and live out your passion gently. Your role is to be a master healer and that is all. Don’t worry about moving forward!
Ó Janet O. Hagberg, 2011, All rights reserved. Feel free to circulate this essay to those who will benefit from it. Be a healer in this world.
A journey of healing from powerlesness, by Janet Hagberg
The steps in healing from trauma can be viewed in a number of ways. I offer this journey of healing stages based on my book on power called Real Power. My hope is that in reading this you may find strength for the next steps in the journey and come to a full recognition of your calling as a healer in the world.
VICTIMS: Feeling Powerless
This feeling of powerlessness might occur each time you recognize that you are a victim; a victim of illness, abuse, death, job loss, divorce, a flood, a raging son or daughter. Whatever the reason, you may feel you are a victim, powerless to do anything about your fate. This usually elicits sadness, shock, anger, and a strong urge to fight, to get back at someone or to just collapse and give up. The issues look immense and the situation looks hopeless.
Action at this stage might mean starting to find others who are in similar situations or people who can understand your situation and offer support or encouragement. You find it takes a lot of effort simply to reach out to people and some days you want to just quit. But somehow you find that extra energy one day and a little fire starts up within you. You find someone or an organization that understands and you do not feel so alone. You're made that first step and you are relieved. You are tired from the struggle and need some renewal and support.
Stuckness at this stage:
If your activities are fueled by fear, anger or revenge on others, there is a danger of getting mired down, thus sabotaging your own goals. The biggest danger at this stage is sinking down into martyrdom and becoming over identified with your victimization, perhaps even seeing it as a badge of honor.
Ways to move forward:
Find people who can help you deal with your fear or anger and get support so you are not working in isolation. Become part of a community with individuals and groups who are supportive of new growth and learning. Focus on what you can do, not on what you can’t do.
SURVIVORS: Finding Strength in Numbers
This stage represents the learning or apprenticeship stage, when you associate with a larger network of people involved with issues you are facing yourself. As you face your fears and your pain you find that there is a process for healing and you don’t feel so isolated. You feel like you belong, as you go to meetings or classes, get to know various approaches to your issues, illness, abuse, family drama, job loss, grieving etc. You read about the topic, become involved with others and get ideas and support from a larger community.
This is a time to build your personal stamina, setting preliminary goals and seeking ways to achieve them, like forgiving yourself or others. At this stage you start doing the hard work of healing from the issue you face. You may even find ways to bring the issues that you are facing to the larger community to get support and encouragement. Once you have seen how your internal power increases as you face into your pain through the help of others, and you experience the emotional growth that happens in this process, you start to feel like your work is well worth it and your heart is touched. No more a victim.
Stuckness at this stage:
This is the stage at which you find that other people may have different philosophies or approaches to your issue or that they are not as interested as you are in the process of development or healing. If you succumb to blaming or shaming yourself or others, you will get stuck at this stage.
Ways to move forward:
Take risks and keep learning. Let go of having to have everyone agree with you or support your path and allow yourself to be open to new challenges. Stick to the healthy things that work for you and continue your own development. Stay out of arguments. Listen, be respectful and form your own plan of action.
VICTORS: Achieving the Goals of Healing
This stage represents success and achievement in your own development and in the issue you are engaged with in your life. You may even take a more significant role in your community like give a talk about your own development or help support another person with the issues in their life (be a sponsor or mentor). Whatever you chose to do, you feel elated by the results. You are knowledgeable about the issues, others are responsive to your approach, and people support your efforts.
You have become a victorious person in your own right. You are no longer as vulnerable to whatever your issue was, whether that means you do not identify with your illness as much, you are able to hold your decisions lightly, you are not manipulated by your addicted family members, you are out of an abusive relationship, you are no longer feeling trapped. You may even be a leader in the community that you have joined to address your issues. You have plans for your involvement in the future and see a way to get to the next goals. You can set goals confidently now because you have more of a track record for achieving them. And you are more involved with other people, excited to be part of the larger network, energized by the other people involved. You are hopeful and you carry hope for others.
Recognition and resources come easier now because you are in a legitimate community and you have grown personally. You feel you have a voice and that the community listens to you. This makes you feel more excited and more personally powerful than ever before.
Stuckness at this stage:
It is easy to get into competition with others at this point because of your success. When people spend time either intimidating or watch dogging others instead of moving forward, they get stuck. If you are stuck at this stage due to conflict with others, use these guidelines for conflict; listen, treat everyone with respect, negotiate when possible, do not violate your basic principles, never take revenge.
Ways to move forward:
There is a major transition to the next stage because you move from meeting goals to a deeper level of inner strength, meaning that healing power now comes from a deeper place inside of you rather than from your community or your success. You need to take time to reflect, heal and learn to carry hope at a deeper level within yourself.
HEALERS: Helping Others do their Work
This stage represents moving more deeply inward and asking yourself some important questions; Why are you doing what you are doing? Are you making a meaningful difference in helping others heal? Are you changing personally from the experience? What is the larger vision? You struggle with these questions and come to see that you are involved with the issue you started with but in a much different way, both for yourself, as a way to find meaning or healing but also for others, as a leader and healer.
Your inner work on your issue becomes more than a project or a job. The more deeply you become involved with it in this deeper way, of being a healing resource to others, the more changes you begin to see in your own life. You become collaborative and share ideas freely with others. You are more secure in the idea that healing is the way to prevail over fear and anxiety. Your own fear and anger heal. You model more consistently the behavior you are advocating-- respect, courage, serenity and concern for others.
You move to a larger vision for your life that includes more specific work in areas that are close to your heart. You become a steady source, a grounded person who is trustworthy, both for yourself and for others. As a result you see that your participation actually changes things, people, families, organizations. It gives you a deep belief in change and you carry hope for the work you are doing. You now see yourself as a leader as well as a healer or peacemaker.
Stuckness at this stage:
If, after seeing the results and the changes firsthand, you do not have the confidence that people can truly heal and have interior freedom, you will get stuck.
Ways to move forward:
At this stage you might find yourself thinking differently about the issues that got you involved in the first place and you may find yourself out of the main stream. Just keep moving ahead on your healing projects, in gentle and persistent ways. You will need to let yourself be spiritually connected to this work and therefore free to heal others and teach them to be healers.
MASTER HEALERS and WISDOM FIGURES: Teaching Other Healers
You find yourself as a master healer, meaning a teacher of other healers who are working on the issues that you have learned from in your own life. You pass along the healing vision and encourage others to get more deeply involved with healing experiences that make a real difference.
Even though you work hard on teaching and inspiring, your real work is to live out the larger vision of healing on a daily basis. You see yourself not just as a leader and healer, but as a recruiter of others who want to be healers.
You have a deep spiritual connection to your healing work, for it is your passion, your calling, your life purpose. You are more engaged with your work but you do not burn out because you are fueled by a deeper spiritual source and you know your limits. You are courageous and generous. You can bring understanding and compassion to your work no matter what the circumstances, even with people who disagree with you.
The major difference between master healers and wisdom figures is the depth of their passion and their ability to integrate their role of teacher, healer and wisdom figure more fully into their lives.
Stuckness at this stage:
Your motives might be questioned because you are not interested in money or recognition. Stuckness will come from letting your life be deterred or deflected into side conflicts or other causes.
Ways to move forward:
Stick closely to your spiritual grounding and live out your passion gently. Your role is to be a master healer and that is all. Don’t worry about moving forward!
Ó Janet O. Hagberg, 2011, All rights reserved. Feel free to circulate this essay to those who will benefit from it. Be a healer in this world.